


Murphy’s Law II- The Shephard Returns

by zimafreak



Series: Murphy's Law [3]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2019-08-21 18:28:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16581776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zimafreak/pseuds/zimafreak
Summary: Upon recovering from the final battle in Denerim, Renata find ten years have passed by and everyone has moved on and things have changed.  Lost and angry can she recover from her emotional and physical wounds?  And will she ever find happiness and peace?





	1. Chapter 1

__

It was dark.

 

A thick inky, blackness that that clung tight and suffocated me.  I couldn’t tell if my eyes were open because I didn’t feel them move when I tried to blink.  What I could feel was a constant piercing, burning pain, everywhere, like my soul was aflame after being stabbed with countless razor-sharp daggers.  I couldn’t stop it.  I couldn’t move.  I couldn’t get away from it.  I couldn’t open my mouth to scream. I couldn’t even breathe.  I simply had to endure it. 

 

Sometimes I felt like crying.  Maybe I even did but I couldn’t hear my sobbing or feel my tears.  I had no idea what was wrong with me or how much time had passed.  It was excruciating.   It was endless.   It was all I ever knew.

 

Except for the voices. 

 

Occasionally I heard voices or felt them echoing inside me, it was hard to tell.  One vast like the cosmos and booming, filling me with fear and rage and another one, quiet and calming.  I could never quite hear what they said.  Usually they were quiet.  But when I did hear them, they sounded muffled and it was hard to make out words.  I rarely heard them at the same time.  But when I did, they sounded rushed and heated like they were arguing and sometimes they seemed to come to an impasse and became quiet.  

 

It was during those rare times before the pain overwhelmed me again, that I remembered …things.

 

A vague whisper of something… something before here.  The pain made it hard to concentrate and I became grateful for the distraction the voices provided, even the scary one. 

 

Gradually I realized I heard a buzzing sound coming from somewhere.  I’m not sure from where.  Everywhere and nowhere.  It seemed to be coming from me or near me or far away, it was hard to tell with no point of reference.

 

And then… a light?

 

Yes, I saw a light! 

 

A tiny spot, a fleck of white that could have been in the distance or right in front of me, that seemed to grow in size matching the intensity of the buzzing as it increased.   Maybe it was a cloud, it looked like a cloud and finally the buzzing became a whisper.

 

 

Was someone there?  I tried to call out.  

 

The whispering grew louder, painful almost as if it was shouting inside me.

 

The spot of light transformed into a streak. It was thin at one end but became thicker the closer it came to me wrapping itself around me. Then it pulled.  Hard.  And then it twisted and curled and tugged until it felt like my very soul was being ripped from my body.

 

I screamed. I know I did because I heard and felt it.  I screamed as loud as I could. The earlier pain, unbelievable before, somehow intensified.

 

The streak of light pulled and tugged until it wrenched something free from within me. I felt like I was split in two. With a cracking sound, it snapped back into its original shape.  Then, wavering in front of me changed its shape again this time to something reminiscent of a potato. Then a potato with an arm. Then the potato’s arm reached out to me as if trying to touch me. I wanted to pull away. I tried.  It might have been trying to touch me but it I screamed again.

 

“Mercy.” It whispered and then like a sling shot, the light sped away, leaving me alone in the excruciating darkness.

 

I would have thought that it couldn’t have gotten worse but then that’s not how it works for me.

 

I was a person with bad luck. Horrible luck.  Living out a fantasy that turned into a nightmare.

 

Or was I? More memories started to trickle back. Crazy, contradictory images of a girl driving a car and flying on a griffon. Turning into a wolf and searching for a bridesmaid’s dress. Breaking up with my fiancé and fighting a dragon.

 

Which was real?

 

Were any of them?   

 

I started to hear voices again. Different ones, with actual words I could hear instead of feel. They were hard to make out. Rustling, murmuring and then more of that horrible pain. Everywhere. It never seemed to cease.

 

Finally, I felt myself blink open my eyes but the light was too bright and I shut them. Then more murmuring. I tried to ask what it said but the only sound I could produce was a cough. The taste of copper filled my mouth. Oh, God was I tasting blood?  Was it my blood?  Was I bleeding. I tried to ask but still couldn’t do more than make a squeak.

 

I wanted to move, maybe alleviate the pain but I had barely enough strength to breathe.  It was so hard to fill my lungs with air.

 

More shouting and then gently murmuring in my ear. I think someone may have touched me but it only made me feel worse.  I tried to wriggle away but no such luck then more whispering and the touching stopped.

 

Ever so slowly I became more aware of my surroundings, the light was less painful and I could almost make out words. Once in a while a soothing voice would breathe something in my ear and then I would feel a subtle hum wash over me and alleviate a tiny amount of the pain.

 

I don’t know how long it was until I became aware of my own arms and legs but the pain was indescribable and I was too weak to scream.

 

Something forced open my mouth and trickled a warm sticky substance down my throat. I tried to turn my head and spit it out. It was like glue and canned dog food with a hint of cherry cough medicine. Ughh! It was awful! Why did everyone think cherry was the go-to flavor?

 

I heard a crash then voices, lots of voices and another crash. I slowly blinked open my eyes and tried to see where I was and though the room was dimly lit it was so much brighter than I was accustomed to. I kept my eyes open just a crack, enough to see that everything was blurry. I was in a blurry greyish hospital room lined with flickering light sources. Odd.

 

Missing was the scent of bleach and antiseptic as well as the familiar beeping sounds of all that annoying hospital machinery.

 

I continued to squint and blink my eyes trying to bring my vision into focus but they weren’t cooperating. It just made my head hurt and the walls look like blobs of grey.

 

I tried to sit up and immediately felt nauseous.  I rubbed my eyes trying to find something that might be a bucket or bag or something before losing the contents of my stomach. A thin figure standing near the wall looked to be scrambling too but not fast enough. My stomach rolled and spasmed emptied its contents all over me.

 

It sounded like someone swore and then started retching themselves. Whatever it was that came up was revolting. The smell alone made me tense for another heave. It was dark, black, I think. Vomit that color couldn’t be a good sign. More urgent whispering followed.

 

Whatever they were saying, I couldn’t make it out. Almost sounded like a foreign language.

 

Then my stomach started to hurt. Bad, like cramps. So bad I attempted the fetal position but I felt a dip on the bed I was laying in and something cool and wet was pressed to my forehead began wiping at my face and chin. On the other side of the bed another dip and someone held onto my shoulder so I couldn’t move.

 

“What’s going on?” I asked hoarsely. My throat hurt like a mother and whispering didn’t seem to help.

 

The voices whispered again and I started to panic. This wasn’t right. None of this was right and I couldn’t understand them at all “Where am I?”

 

A hand pressed against my forehead like it was checking my temperature and spoke to me. The cadence of the language sounded familiar but I couldn’t understand it. Where was I?

 

“Where are my parents?” I full on freaked, slapping at the hand and pushing it away from my face. “Stop touching me!”

 

The touching stopped but the whispering seemed more urgent. Then a loud creaking sound filled the room. Someone sighed and spoke rapidly and a deeper voice responded.

 

I blinked my eyes furiously, even tried rubbing them. It hurt so bad to move, I cried out. Someone sat on the bed rocking it again and I felt sick. I knew I was going to throw up again. “Please,” I started to cry. I didn’t want to throw up on myself again. “I need …”

 

It was too late and my stomach did its thing. It was so disgusting. I started crying harder and couldn’t stop. I felt like a little girl again, begging for my parents.

 

I must have worn myself out with all the crying and vomiting because I woke up some time later swaddled from head to toe in blankets. So many blankets, I felt overheated and claustrophobic. My movements were restricted and I could hardly turn my head due to the deep feather pillow it was cradled in.  I wasn’t feeling well rested by any means but my skin wasn’t prickling with as much pain and my eye were able to focus a little better. Everything was much sharper after more blinking but the brightness still hurt my eyes.

 

I could finally see where I was and I did not recognize it one bit. I was lying in a huge four poster bed; the sheer curtains were drawn for minimal privacy. Candles were flickering on either side of an obscenely large fireplace made of grey stone. My eyes were drawn to the trophy mounted over its mantel and I shrieked. It could have been a water buffalo but not quite. I didn’t know anyone who hunted those. Its horns were easily as thick as the tires on my brother’s truck and curled tightly around itself.

 

“Look who is awake.” Someone whispered. “Go tell him. He will want to know immediately.”

 

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the back of someone slip out the door and close it quietly behind them.

 

“Hello?” I tried to clear my throat so the words would come but it sounded more like a sob.

 

“Ah, do not try to speak. Let me get you something for your throat.” After a little rustling to my left a tea cup came into view held by a delicate hand. “Here sip this. It should help your throat.”

 

The liquid felt soothing as it coated my throat but it was too late before I realized it was that nasty cherry dog food crap. “Ugh! That’s terrible.” I coughed batting the rest of it away. “Are you trying to make me sicker?”

 

“Now, now,” the voice calmly responded. “No reason to break the cup. I will endeavor to find something more palatable if I must.”

 

The tea cup was removed from my vision and whoever was next to me began to adjust my blankets starting at my neck. I took a deep breath and moved my neck side to side to loosen the stiff muscles. Every muscle hurt, all of them up and down my neck and along my collar bone. I became dizzy again and nauseous just from turning my head. It was only a matter of time before one of my migraines would set in.  I just knew it.

 

“Can I have a bucket please?” I asked trying to plan ahead. I barely remembered it, but I knew that whatever came up before was disgusting and now that I was more aware, I certainly didn’t want to get that on me again.

 

“Sit still, chéri.  No need getting yourself worked up again.” At that my neck snapped painfully to my left and I sat up from the bed to get a look at the person in the room with me. The double take made my neck hurt worse. A petite woman with short dark cropped hair sat on a chair next to the bed. She smiled tentatively at me then got to her feet. She placed a delicate hand on my forehead and clucked her tongue. “You really should drink some more of that tonic. You do not fell feverish but look flushed.”

 

I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I nodded my head silently. “Who are you?” I managed to whisper. She was wearing a long warm looking robe but my eyes were fixated on her ears. They looked… pointed. “What are you?”

 

She shook her head and pressed me back into the mattress. “Hold on chéri. I can’t understand a word of Avvar but we went to get someone who says he can communicate with you.”

 

“Avvar?” I repeated. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. Things weren’t making sense. Even my face hurt as I frowned and furrowed my brows trying to remember something, anything.

 

“Renata?”

 

My eyes popped open at my name. Someone at least knew me. Maybe they could tell me what was going on. My vision may have been better but what I saw explained just how bad of a head injury I must have had. The copper haired man in the doorway looked familiar but there was no way he could be real. He crossed the room and perched on the side of my bed. “Renata,” He sighed. “I was so worried about you. We didn’t know if you would make it or not but I begged the Grand Enchanter to do whatever she could. I offered her anything she needed.”

 

I glanced over to the dark-haired woman leaning against the wall opposite from the door. She inclined her head.

 

Grand Enchanter …? What the …?

 

“I was lucky she came back at all. I was very sore at her last time I saw her. She could have refused. But we’re all friends now. Hopefully. She and Connor came back despite my rant.” He rambled.

 

Something finally clicked and I remembered. Everything. Unsuccessfully, I tried to blink back the tears. I could feel them run down my face in torrents.

 

“Alistair?” I gasped in between sobs. He lunged forward wrapping his arms around me for a hug.

 

“Shh, shh. Yes, Renata. It’s me.” He rocked me in his arms making me cry harder.

 

“Fiona?”  I whimpered through the tears.

 

The elf straightened at her name, tilting her head. “I’m sorry. Have we met?”

 

I couldn’t stop bawling but he continued to rock me in his arms and stroke my hair and back. “It’s okay. You’re okay. Everything’s alright. You’re here. I got you.”

 

It took a while but I finally managed to stop sobbing and pulled back, blinking away as many tears as I could. He pulled a handkerchief from his tunic and started wiping at my eyes. “There, there.”

 

“Where are we? Where is everyone? Is it over? Did we win?”

 

He blinked in confusion. “Renata, slow down. I’m not as good at speaking English as some others. Can you speak Common?”

 

“Common?” I squinted at him still a bit confused. He looked different. More filled out. Older, a little. Very clean, despite the fact that life on the road didn’t afford many baths as I had discovered. “Did you tell her I was Avvar?”

 

He flushed chuckling a bit. “I did. I was not sure how to explain you.”

 

I paused attempting to respond in Common. “I didn’t realize I wasn’t speaking Common. Sorry.”

 

“It’s alright.” He cupped my face. On his hand were a few large jeweled rings. Treasure maybe looted off some bandits? I pulled his hand from my face and inspected the rings. They were gaudy and pretty. They didn’t fit his personality at all.

 

“What’s going on, Al?” I asked twisting off one of the rings, inspecting it in the light. “Is this enchanted?” I asked distracted by the bling.  I always did love jewelry.

 

“Uh huh, no. I don’t think so at least. “He folded my hand over it. “Keep it if you want. I have some business to take care of. I’ll bring you back some supper.”

 

“Your Maj…. “The mage quieted and cleared her throat at his glare. “My Lord, I can have someone do that but I do not believe her stomach is ready for something like that at this time.”

 

“Fine, Fine.” He stood up and smiled down on me. “We’ll talk when in a few hours. Get some rest. I’ll be back soon. And Grand Enchanter, a warden is always hungry. You should remember that.”

 

He ruffled my hair and started for the door. A servant jumped out of his way. “We need to get her some clothes too. She can’t be receiving visitors in that. “He pointed to me. I looked down at the thin nightgown I was wearing, so thin it was practically see through.

 

I leaned back into the bed, confused and shocked to my core. For the second time in my life I had woken up in Thedas.  At least this time it wasn’t in the bowels of some dungeon.  It was still too much. How could I have survived? I was sure my life had ended.  That my ‘destiny’ was to become the Hero of Fereldan. There were so many questions. The tears started again. I couldn’t get them to stop. If I didn’t get it under control soon, I would hyperventilate.

 

“This can help you if you let it. I will see about the taste later.” Fiona offered the tea cup again. The smell wasn’t any better cold. Neither was the taste. But it helped me alright. It put me right to sleep.

    

“That is okay, just let her rest.” A voice whispered loud enough to wake me up. I rolled over on my side keeping myself half buried under the mounds of blankets piled on top of me. My right eye cracked open to see Alistair peeking his head through the doorway.

 

“Al?” I croaked.

 

Fiona whispered something angrily to him but allowed him to enter and take a seat next to me. He looked as tired as I felt. His eyes were dark and sunken and his normally clean shaven or lightly stubbled face was almost sporting a full-on beard. I was fascinated by it. It as darker than the rest of his hair, almost brown instead if reddish blond. Distinguished.  Very attractive.  

 

“Did you just giggle at me?” He sounded amused. “I take it you’re feeling better.”

 

I approximated a shrug through the pile of covers. My eyes felt heavy again and I was too tired to speak.

 

“You look like your about ready to pass out again. I will return.” He rose from his seat and pulled his cloak tighter. I wanted to ask him to stay with me but my eyes demanded I close them, so I did.

 

 

“… and then he says, ‘I said beer not bear.’ A chuckle on my left roused me from my nap. I had been drifting in and out of sleep for… I didn’t know how long. Each time it was only Alistair there for me somewhere in the room or someone ran to get him. I would manage to stay awake for a few minutes after he arrived and then fall right back to sleep. I swear someone was drugging me.

 

I tried a laugh of my own so he would know I was awake but it sounded more like I was choking. The chair dragged across the floor and suddenly his face was right in front of mine startling a squeak out of me.

 

“Hang on, let me get the healer.” He said once he saw I was awake. I reached out and grabbed a hold of his wrist and it hurt. My entire body was stiff, a deep in my bones ache, especially my leg. It felt as if something was steadily pulling on it. It could have been from lack of movement. How long I had been in the bed I wasn’t sure but the shock of it made me gasp for breath.

 

“Wait,” I asked. “Please?”

 

“May I?” He pointed to the edge of the bed sitting at the foot when I nodded. He cradled my hand in his then looked to the floor.

 

“How are you?” I croaked. “You look tired and it’s making you look old.” He did, too. His eyes were practically bloodshot and droopy and I would swear there was a little grey at his temples.

 

He snorted. “How are you? That’s what I want to know. How are you?”

 

“Everything hurts.” I said honestly. “Like I was run over by a bus. But I guess after a battle like that it will take some time to heal. How are the others?”

 

“I don’t remember what a bus is but it sounds painful.” His shoulders drooped and he shook his head. “But about the others… “

 

“Did they get hurt just as bad as I did? Is that why no else has come to see me?” My voice trembled as dread welled up in my gut. “Are they going to be okay? Can I see them, I mean if they want to see me, that is?”

 

I winced as he let go of my hand and placed it on my shoulder. The same shoulder I’m pretty sure was dislocated during the fight. “Sorry.” He mumbled, pulling away. “Renata, what’s the last thing you remember?”

 

“Remember? Me? Oh, I dunno.” I slowly sat up. He reached for me again, more gently this time to steady me. I had been down for way too long and my head was spinning. I looked around trying to get my bearings, really looked around. It didn’t look like queen Anora’s décor. The colors were all wrong, so was the crest. It wasn’t the two lion’s or dogs or whatever they were facing each other. It was a tall brown thing centered over a red blob.

 

“Where am I?”  I sat up straighter and pulled back the covers swinging my feet around the side of the bed. It was exquisite agony. My leg looked like it had been through a meat grinder.  Large puckering scars went around my thigh down to my knee. I would have fallen off the side of the bed and onto the floor if Alistair hadn’t been there to stop me.

 

“You’re okay.”  He shushed, pulling me into an embrace.  “You’re okay.  It looks worse than it is.  We managed to save your leg and the scars will fade. Fiona assured me of that.”  He held me tighter than was comfortable.  I had trouble breathing and couldn’t close my mouth.  I just hung limply against his chest sobbing.  He tried to console me.  He truly did but the reality of what I had been through crashed down on me again and it was hopeless, so he just held me while I cried. 

 

Argent!  Ser Cautherien, Anora’s soldiers.  All of the dwarves and mages and elves I never knew but fought with, they were all dead.  All the dead bodies.  All the blood.  The darkspawn. The Arch Demon!

 

“Did we do it?”  I managed, suddenly unsure of the answer.   

 

He pulled back looking momentarily confused and offered me another hankie.  “Yes, honey.  We did it.  You did it.”  I wiped at my eyes and covered my mouth to stop the drool I knew was falling from my open blubbering mouth.  “Let me get Fiona.  She can help you calm down.  A tea or a spell or something.”

 

“No!”  I shouted louder than I meant.  “I don’t want to forget again.  I know you must have told me this before.  I need to remember this.” 

 

His name was all I could choke out.  “Aedan?”   I asked, already suspecting the answer.

 

Alistair’s face said it all.  His eyes watered up and he turned red bringing out a multitude of tiny freckles I had never noticed before.  He shuddered and took a long slow deep breath.  “No.”  He said quietly shaking his head.  “No.  He saved my life when we fought at Redcliff.  Took a blow meant for me.  I’m sorry.  He never woke up.”

 

I blinked furiously trying to hold back another onslaught of tears.  “Then why aren’t I dead? Didn’t I kill the dragon?”

 

“Yeah you did!”  He smiled proudly.  “You stuck your staff clean through his eye.  Hit some vital organs or such, but yes.  You killed it.  We had no idea how you managed that.  From what I heard you were so badly hurt it was a miracle you could even stand let alone kill that thing.  But it didn’t matter in the end, you saved us all.  You saved the world.”

 

“Well you saved the cheerleader.”  I joked half-heartedly.

 

“Huh?”  He cupped my cheek.  “It is good to see you again, my friend.  We wondered what became of you when we couldn’t find you.  Some of us hoped you slipped away to lick your wounds, others were not so sure.”

 

“Slipped away? What do you mean? I can barely sit up.”   Well duh, I thought.  It was frustrating that sometimes he could be so odd.  

 

“Listen, Renata, you have been gone for ten years.  I thought you were dead.  Leliana thought it.  Sten thought it.  Oghren and Zev…”

  

“Don’t say that name!”  I shouted.  “Don’t ever say that name.  Just don’t say it.”

 

He narrowed his eyes at me but after a moment nodded.  “The only one that wasn’t so sure was Morrigan.   There was no body you see but after we heard about your condition and that explosion, you see.  It was just too much to hope.”

 

“Nu-uh,” I smiled.  “You’re so weird.”

 

He just looked at me silently.

 

“I have not been gone ten years!”  I screeched pushing away from him.  “You’re crazy.  I didn’t go anywhere.  I fought.  I got hurt.  I passed out and now I’m awake after being healed.  You’re crazy.”

 

The door slammed open interrupting my rising hysterics and three armed guards rushed in swords drawn.  “Your majesty?  Is everything okay?”  They paused just inside the room when they saw it was only us in the room.  Alistair held up his hand and nodded at them.

 

“Everything is fine.”  He told them rising from the bed hand still outstretched to them.  He turned back to me.  “Everything is just fine.  Please can one of you just get the Grand Enchanter, please?  Hurry.”

 

“Your majesty?”  I screeched again kicking the covers off my legs and placing my bare feet on the cold stone floor.  It was like pins and needles.  Like the mermaid on brand new legs.  I just about collapsed from the pain alone.  He reached for me and I screamed at him.  Literally screamed.  No discernable words just screamed.  It’s like we all lost our minds at the same time.  The guards calling him a king.  Him telling me it’s been ten years and me just plain crazy from the pain coursing through my body, passing out in one place only to wake up somewhere else.  “You’re the Warden.  Aedan made sure of that.  Anora’s the Queen.”

 

One of the guards gasped but the others just backed up slowly through the threshold.  It was a standoff.  All three of us eyeing each other up waiting to see what was next. 

 

“Come on Renata. Just calm down.  Everything is fine or it will be.”  He reached his other hand out to me stepping slowly closer.  “Fiona will give you some nice tea and you’ll feel so much better.”

 

“I don’t want any tea.”  I yelled.  “She’s drugging me.  I’m sure of it.”

 

I stumbled over to the fireplace using the furniture to help me keep my balance and got a better look at the crest hanging over it.  The blob of earth was red. “Where am I?  Am I in Redcliff?  Why am I in Redcliff?  I never wanted to come back here again!  How could you do this to me?  After everything we’ve been through and you bring me back here?”

 

I lost my balance but Alistair caught me just before I hit the floor.  “Damn you.  I should let you crack your head on the floor.  Maybe it would knock some sense into you.”

 

“Your Maj…, High… My lord.”  Fiona’s Orlesian accent stuttered as she rushed into the room.  “They said it was an emergency!”

 

As soon as she realized I was out of bed and leaning heavily on Alistair she stopped short.  “You shouldn’t be out of bed young lady.”  She scolded me.  “I did not do all this work healing you just so you could ruin everything.”

 

“Do you have any tea?”  Alistair interrupted.  “She is extremely confused and not quite herself.  We need to calm her down.” 

 

“I’m right here.”  I hissed in pain and anger.  It was getting harder to support myself despite resting against him.  “No need to talk of me like I’m not here.” 

 

“No, your…  No.”  The scent of mint and burning wood suddenly filled the room just as I saw a halo form around Fiona’s fingers.  “I sent someone to the alchemist to get more.  Our supply has gotten low as of late but there are other ways.”

 

She quirked a brow at him and raised her tiny hands in the air wiggling her fingers. 

 

“No!”  I begged.  “No more magic please.  Keep that stuff away from me.” 

 

I pleaded with Alistair as I practically hung around his neck.  “I’ll be good.  I promise.   Or better at least.  Don’t let her touch me with that again.” 

 

“Will you get back in bed?” He asked, any sign of agitation suddenly gone from his face.  He let out a deep breath waiting for my answer and shifted us into a more comfortable position reminding me that I was probably dead weight.

 

“Can I sit?”  I whimpered. 

 

He shot a look to Fiona who just shrugged.  “Makes no difference at this point.  She has exhausted herself and will surely fall asleep soon anyway.”

 

He nodded whether it was to me or Fiona I couldn’t say then he looked around the room.  “Where would you like to sit?”

 

“Outside.”  I pleaded.  I had to see it.  I had to see if what he said was really true.  Had ten years really passed?  There was only one way to know for sure. 

 

He almost dropped me, so surprised he was with my request.  “Renata, I don’t think it’s a good idea.  You should stay in here.  Where it’s safe and quiet, until your fully healed.”

 

“Please.” I begged.  “I promise not to get out of bed at all tomorrow and I will even drink some of that nasty tea without complaining.  Please?”

 

His shoulders sagged and he shook his head.  “I never could say no to you.  Someone find one of Eamon’s old rolling chairs.”  He called to his men as he sat me down on the bed.

 

“I’m not as young as I used to be.”  He chuckled rubbing his neck, plopping down bedside me and patting my leg.    “I think we need to talk.”

 

“Like about you being The King now?”  I sighed leaning into him.  I was so tired.  So, so tired and sore and mentally drained.  I could probably just stay there like that for another ten years, he was so comfy. 

 

“Uh my Lord.  Fiona interjected.  “Might I help your friend with a robe or a blanket or even some clothes before she leaves the room.  This is all highly inappropriate.”

 

His face flushed and we both realized I was still wearing the thin night gown from before.  “Well it’s not like he’s never seen me naked before.”  I revealed turning him even more scarlet than before.

 

He jumped of the bed and made a bee line for the door.   “Ah, yes.  Grand Enchanter.   Yes.  Um.  Please.  I took the liberty of finding some simple clothes and had them put in wardrobe over there.  I will just be on the other side of the door waiting for Eamon’s chair.  I’ll knock when it’s here.”

 

He slipped out and practically slammed it behind him.  We heard a loud thump on the other side and a sigh.   I could just picture him leaning against the other side of the door beet red.  It would have been funny if I felt like laughing. 

 

 

Alistair’s idea of simple clothes was widely different than mine.  Nothing fit, either being too tight or too painful to put on.  Finally, Fiona relented and helped me on with thicker night gown and we pulled a cape around me so it wasn’t so noticeable.  I was even more exhausted after getting dressed and had to sit down again.  It took like twenty minutes. 

 

A soft knock on the door alerted us that he was back and the door opened.  “I can do this myself,” Alistair complained as one of his guards pushed a rickety looking wicker chair through the door. 

 

“Is it safe?’  I blanched.  It was ancient, smelled musty and looked ready to fall apart. 

 

“Oh, it will hold you.”  He smiled.  “It has to do what I say.  One of the perks of being King.  And I already ordered it to.”

 

Since he wasn’t holding onto the chair, he and Fiona helped me into it and covered me up with a blanket.

 

“I do not think this is a good idea.” Fiona told him making a show of tucking the blanket around my legs.

 

“Me neither.”  He responded, commandeering the chair from the guard and pushing it out the door.  He clipped the side of the doorway as we left, jarring me painfully.  I stifled the scream as best I could.  “Let’s get this over with.” 

 

“Am I really in Redcliff?”  I asked as he pushed me down the hall.  Even if it had been ten years, I can’t imagine ever forgetting slinking down the hall ways looking for Jowan in the dungeon.  The layout seemed to be the same, but what did that really mean?  I was only there for a short time and I was still so disoriented now it could have been another large grey stone castle with portraits of Eamon and Isolde hanging in the halls.   I blinked desperate to focus my vision. 

 

I looked back at him as we passed the second of such portrait and he shrugged.  “Does that convince you?  Why would Denerim have a picture of Isolde hanging in it?”

 

Swallowing my nerves, I turned my eyes back to the hall in front of us.  I started to feel hot and sweaty and a bit dizzy, thankfully I was in the chair.  I don’t think I could have continued.  He turned us down one of the many, many halls with what sounded like an army clanking behind us on the stone floor.  One of the guards sprinted down the hall and pulled aside a large heavy curtain revealing a decorative archway. 

 

The smell of roses, lilacs and mint hit me instantly, causing me to gag, but I swallowed it down.  These should be good smells, I thought to myself.  They _were_ good smells, normal smells, despite their potency.  I covered my nose and mouth with the blanket anyway, but there was something else.  A vague smell, reminiscent of natural gas and charred flesh, it too was strong but somehow distant.   He pushed me through the arch and there we were.  On a balcony overlooking what must have been the docks around Lake Calenhad.  There was barely room for my chair until one of the guards removed one that was already there and handed it over my head to someone behind us.  Alistair positioned me closer to the edge affording me a better view. 

 

It was nothing like I remembered.  Off to the side just out of my view were a few renovated structures, no longer brown wooden shacks on stilts but more grey masonry.  It should have taken longer than a few days to rebuild.  I raised my shaking hand and wiped at my eyes, blinking again to focus them, then looked at Alistair who had moved to stand beside me. 

 

“Ten years?”  I squeaked, trying hard not to cry again.  His face softened and he nodded.  “How?” 

 

“Huh, I wonder when that happened.”  With a shrug he pivoted the chair presenting a different view.  And this time I did throw up.  All over myself.  Again.  But not the black goo from before.  Apparently, my stomach was empty now and it was an acidic yellowish phlegm. 

 

A jagged line reminding me of the trail an airplane might leave stretched across the sky but it was dark with green under tones.  With a curse, he pulled me back inside the castle and a flurry of activity surrounded me as people wiped the vomit from my chin, offered me water and a basin the rinse my mouth and took away the soiled linen.  Leaving me once again in just my thin night clothes.  “This was a mistake.”  He muttered.  “Why are you always so stubborn?”

 

“Stop!”  I shouted and he did, causing one of the guards to stumble into him.  “What was that in the sky that you just showed me?” 

 

“Well I was going to show you the Breach but they must have done it.”  He shook his head carefully.  “I never would have thought those bunch of misfits would be able to do it but then again that’s what people thought of us.  Now it’s just a thing in the sky.  I guess I’ll have to send them a thank you card.” 

 

“When did that happen?”  I turned around in my chair to look at him.

 

“I do not really know.  I have dealing with you all day and trying to perform my Kingly duties.”  He snickered.  “It had to be within the last couple of hours.”

 

“Oh, God.”  I lowered my head and cradled it in my hands.  It really was ten years.  Ten stinking years! 

 

“You might want to wait on that thank you card for a while.”  I told him sucking a deep breath.  “At least until you get the change of address cards.”


	2. The Road to Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> included is brief explanation of how Alistair became king

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you that have not read Murphy's Law after their trip to the Brecilian Forest and her stint with the werewolves, Renata was left with a very good sense of smell

I was practically bed ridden for the next couple of days, which was good because it gave Alistair time to run the country instead of focus on me.  Memories of the endless vacuum that claimed me for a decade returned in pieces leaving me disoriented and lost and sometimes just the effort of trying put those pieces together left me feeling even more confused. 

To make up for his absences, Alistair provided helpful but annoying servants that did everything for me from feeding me to bathing me to changing me. It was so embarrassing to need such help but truthfully, I had trouble doing anything for myself at first.  In addition to the disorientation, every part of me was stiff or ached or hurt.  It certainly didn’t do anything for my mood, particularly when I heard the servants whispering about me.  I must have been quite the bitch especially when I complained about the odor.

My nose was in overdrive and everything around me everything stank. The servants attending me, the clothes they put on me, the room, the food. I could even smell myself. It was revolting and when I told them about it, they just smiled and nodded then went back to whispering amongst themselves about how strange I was.  It was a rough couple of days. 

 It was Fiona that finally took pity on me.  She came in to check on my progress and took notice of how miserable I was.  She popped her head out the door to make a request and a few minutes later two large men brought in a tub and began to fill it with water.  After the tub was full, she helped me get in, normally I would have preferred to bathe on my own but honestly, I was just a bit afraid to be alone. 

The bath also gave me the opportunity to better assess my injuries for the first time, and there were many. I had several new scars and scratches and bruises of which Fiona assured me would fade but others were more significant, at least to me. 

One of my earlobes was missing. I didn’t know how it happened but shallow ‘ole me cried about it.  I knew it would make wearing an earring a little difficult. I’ll admit it was trivial of me to mourn the fact that earrings were probably in my past and seeing as how I had either sold or given away my jewelry over ten years ago, I probably shouldn’t have cared.    

What everyone always complimented as my best feature, my hair, was an absolute disaster. It was burned and melted and tangled and brittle. I wouldn’t allow it to be cut until every last knot was combed out and I had the chance to inspect it. A bald patch over my mutilated ear had been burned off exposing a two-inch section of shiny new sensitive skin and the bottom six inches of my hair were damaged beyond salvation. It ended up having to be cut off anyway. That brought my hair just below my shoulders. It hadn’t had it so short since my mother took me to get the Rachel before middle school.  I tried to concentrate on the fact that I was alive but cried over that too.  I was so superficial.

 My body was something I didn’t think I would ever get used to. It was bad enough that I had body confidence issues before my injuries and wished for a different one but now I would give anything to look like I used to. It’s true what they say, be careful what you wish for. Not only did I have a length of puckered scarring on my left leg but along my upper back as well. Thankfully there was none on the soft squishy part under my ribs but it was awful just the same. I looked like something a shark spit out. Only I knew it hadn’t been a shark.  It took two hours before I got my hysterical crying under control. Fiona even refused to allow Alistair in to talk me down when he tried to visit and heard me crying because I was still naked and refused to get out of the tub.

 

 

Once I was calmed and dressed in a brand-new shift someone left for me, did she let him in. It was awkward at first, well it felt awkward to me. If Alistair felt it, he didn’t let it show. He stayed for a few hours eating a supper of meat and vegetables while I was stuck with broth and bread and he filled me in on what I missed.   

It wasn’t what I expected.    

He had become King five years ago after the untimely death of Queen Anora. She had been on a relief mission to Kirkwall since many of her subjects had fled there during the blight.  We had discussed this while I had stayed with her and I informed her of where some of her subjects had fled.  She was offering aid and free passage back to Fereldan to those who chose to return.  But things went terribly wrong when she was in the wrong place at the wrong time and killed during the Qunari uprising. Fereldan was furious, as well as Kirkwall but neither was in a position to do anything about it. And so Fereldan was in chaos and without a monarch until Teagan was able to convince Alistair that Fereldan needed him more than the Grey Wardens. So, for the last five years, he had been King.   

Wynne had passed. Sten was Arishok.  Oghren was a Warden although his whereabouts were unknown and Shale was missing. How a giant walking slab of stone could disappear was a mystery but I had other more selfish concerns. Alistair had given Amaranthine to Nathaniel Howe to run as a Warden because he knew the area the best and it was his birthright.

And …   

A huge hole had opened in the sky over Haven killing the Divine leaving an organization known as the Inquisition to make everything right.   

Who could have guessed?   

It literally hurt my head to think about it for too long. Not my usual migraines mind you, I had been blessedly free of them so far, but while no time had passed for me, ten years had passed in Thedas. It was mind boggling, literally. Hence, the pain in my head.

 

On the third morning I couldn’t take it anymore and requested to be wheeled down to breakfast. The stench of my room was suffocating and I needed to get out of it. Granted it was probably my stench but I hoped later I would be allowed to get some fresh air and go outside. Maybe the room could be cleaned or aired out without me in it or maybe I could get a different room, one with perhaps a window.

Alistair rose immediately flashing me one of his brilliant smiles upon seeing me enter the dining room. He rushed over and liberated my chair from Fiona who bowed and backed out of the room.   

“You clean up nice. How are you feeling today?” He whispered in my ear as he wheeled me to the table. “I didn’t tell anyone who you were. I didn’t know what to say so I lied and said you were Avvar.”   

“Don’t worry,” I whispered back happy to see a familiar face. “Stone Bear Hold born and bred.”   

Seated at the table with him were three men and a woman. One of them I recognized as Teagan but the others I couldn’t place. As the woman was seated next to Teagan near the head of the table, I guessed she was his wife. A young man that had been shadowing Fiona while she attended to my injuries was there sitting between Teagan and Alistair but who they were was anyone’s guess.   

The men stood up as Alistair removed a chair from the table and pushed me toward the open spot.   

“Stop.” I said and proceeded to stand up awkwardly.   

“Do you think it wise. You are still so weak.” He reached for my elbow to support me. His touch made me hiss in in pain. My skin was still so sensitive to any kind of touch that it even wearing the dress I put on for breakfast was uncomfortable. He mumbled an apology and pulled away. Instead, as much to comfort him as to steady myself, I reached a hand out to him and with the other, beckoned one of the servants assigned to me. She pressed a walking stick in my hand and I released Alistair to take a seat on my own using the cane as support.   

Breakfast was awkward too. I must have interrupted some kingly business but Alistair didn’t seem to mind and I learned I was correct. The woman with Teagan was his wife and the other man was her brother. He had been visiting them when the Tevinters kicked them out. The young man, was Connor the late Arl’s son. I realized he looked familiar but when I last saw him, he was playing in the floor of his room as a child and now he was a grown man.   

“So, you are the unfortunate individual found in our dungeons.” The Arlessa said carefully eyeing me up and down. “The King seems to be very invested in your well-being. Why is that?”   

“Why was I in your dungeon or why has the King taken an interest in my well-being?” I said petulantly. I wasn’t in the mood for twenty questions and that look she gave me reminded me of Isolde and her games.   

“Either. Both.” Teagan leaned forward resting his elbows on the table and tenting his fingers. My eyes flicked over to Alistair who just shrugged allowing me the freedom to decide just how much I wanted to tell.   

“We met each other during the blight.” I answered, trying to stay as close to the truth as possible without setting off any alarms. I certainly didn’t know how to explain what happened and I knew Alistair wasn’t good at lying so I tried to avoid it if possible.   

“You look so young. You would have been just a child at the time.” The Arlessa said sounding concerned.  Maybe I was wrong and she wasn’t like Isolde.   

“I was separated from my family and met them on the road one day. I was lucky they let me travel with them for a bit.” I looked over at Alistair and he nodded. “I had some unique skills that came in handy at times plus I helped them to locate food. I’m Avvar so I had a few tricks up my sleeve.”   

“A Warden is always hungry.” Alistair quipped. The others chuckled politely.   

“Well I for one am glad to see your time in our dungeon has done no lasting damage. And I am happy to see Eamon’s chair has been put to good use.” The Arlessa said. “Now perhaps we could table the talk of business for later and partake in the hot breakfast Cook has prepared.”

 

After breakfasting on the only thing I could stomach, a plain porridge, Alistair excused himself to take care of some more kingly stuff and asked one of the servants to take me to the garden so I could sit outside and breathe in the fresh air.  It was definitely better than the stale uncirculated air in my room. Even the weird smell from before had faded a bit leaving the normal scent of roses, lavender and vanilla.  It took a bit of convincing that I would be okay but the servant finally left me alone to sit in the garden.  I had to think. I needed to figure out what I was supposed to do. I certainly wasn’t going to stay at Redcliff if I could help it. I need to go somewhere to recuperate, regain my strength and learn how to survive without collapsing from exhaustion.   

I needed a distraction and made an attempt to walk across the garden using my cane to admire the roses when Alistair’s sudden appearance startled me and I lost my balance.  As usual he caught me before I hit the ground.   

“You have a knack for doing that, you know.” I teased him as I was pivoted and helped onto a bench surrounded by the very roses I wanted to see. 

“For startling unsuspecting women?” He joked and settled beside me.  He had a few more laugh lines around the eyes but they were still the warm, mischievous ones from before, just a little older.  By God he aged well.  I felt myself blush and turned my attention to the colorful flowers behind me. 

“No silly,” I punched him playfully in the arm. Pain traveled from my hand into my shoulder taking my breath away. “Catching me when I fall.”   

He smiled and took my aching hand between his and tried to massage away the pain. It didn’t work. It was just as painful but I tried not to let on and endured it for his sake. He was only trying to help after all. “Well you are one of the biggest klutzes I ever had the pleasure of meeting.”   

His eyes roamed over my face and he pushed an errant strand of hair out of my face. “I like what you did to your hair. It’s quite a different style for you. It looks lovely.”   

I felt myself blush again and smiled back at him. “What a charmer.” It took all last evening for me and one of the servants to come up with a style I approved of. I still wasn’t happy with it but there were not a lot of options without extensions and hairspray so I tried something totally out of character and last night I liked it well enough. It made me look bad ass, I thought, but this morning it wasn’t just me and a servant seeing it so I tried hard to project the confidence the hairstyle needed to pull it off.   

We put a cuff over the mangled cartilage of my earlobe and twisted three thick sections on the right side of my head toward the back where they were secured with some kind of beaded rawhide laces. It was shorter on the right because of all the damage from the battle and I had the servant make a shaggy asymmetrical cut with a razor that started at my ear and gradually angled it until it until it blended in with the hair on the other side that hit just below my collar bone. The rest of my hair was flipped to the side to cover my bald spot. To keep it there, we weighed it down with strategically placed sections of little braids and twists all held in place with more beads and ties.  

Alistair and I sat quietly for a while just looking at the flowers until I became tired and slouched against him. “Did you sleep any better last night?” He murmured into my hair.

I had been having horrible dreams that I couldn’t remember and had been waking up screaming in the dark.  They had someone stay with me at night now and kept either the torches or fireplace burning for light. I seemed to have developed an acute fear of the dark. The light didn’t help that much. The shadows dancing on the walls frightened me just as much as my dreams and the smell of the torches reminded me how Denerim was almost razed to the ground. There was really nothing to help it though. More than once I woke covered in sweat, tangled in my covers and had to be restrained until I realized where I was. 

Nights were the worst.   

“No.” I shook my head. “How about you? I heard that you are have bad dreams as well.”   

His eyes dropped to the floor and he shook his head. “No. No better.” He sighed. “But they are not just bad dreams. The breach seemed to have hastened my calling and I have been making preparations to leave for the deep roads. Trying to find a suitable heir and such.”   

I had forgotten about that, at least that it would have affected him too.  Just because he wasn’t an active Grey Warden didn’t mean that he wouldn’t hear it too.  He must have been so scared.

“Well you don’t need to worry about that.” I tried to comfort him by patting his forearm. “The calling is false; besides you can’t tell me that after all this time you don’t have a little Alistair or two running around here somewhere?”   

“You are correct. I cannot tell you that. It would be ungentlemanly of me to kiss and tell. Even to you.” He booped my nose and smiled warmly.   

“Well if all you did is kiss,” I joked. “Then there are definitely no little Alistairs out there. Do we need to have a talk so I can explain some things to you?”   

That got a laugh out of him then he sputtered. “Wait. Did you say the calling was false?”   

I nodded sleepily. “How do you know this?” He jumped up from the bench excitedly. I nearly fell over at the unexpected movement but he caught me, again. “Is this like one of things from last time?”   

I nodded again. “The idiot that opened the breach is sending the calling. It’s not just you. It’s everyone that’s hearing it. All wardens.”   

“Even you?” He paused, a look of concern settled over his face.   

I hadn’t thought about it. The voices in my head were suspiciously quiet, no dragons in my dreams, no annoying mage voicing his opinions, not even a migraine. “Huh? I don’t think so. How would I know?” 

“Oh, you would know. You would definitely know. Well that is a blessing.” He sat back down beside me placing his arm around my shoulders and pulled me back against him. “Good. I will send a bird to the Wardens at Weisshaupt and Amaranthine to let them know what you told me. And then I will send another to Leliana to let her know about you. The last one came back for some reason or another. She will be so happy to know you are back. I guess I have a lot of birds to send. Leliana, the Wardens, Soldiers Peak, Sten …”   

“Wait.” I protested. “Don’t do that. Don’t tell anyone about me. Please?  Especially Leliana. Are you kidding? She would probably send someone to finish me off, anyway.”   

“Oh, hush now.” He scolded me. “Leliana would not do that.”

“She most certainly would.” I corrected him. “Or have you forgotten how many times she already tried. As a matter of fact, all you guys tried. Yeah. Don’t tell anyone I’m back. Just let them keep thinking I ‘m dead.”   

“Renata,” He said softly cupping my chin. I felt myself start to tear up. “I did not mean to upset you. I apologize. But you must know that everyone grieved for you. Everyone, including Leliana. For a long time. You were one of us.  Your loss was devastating.”   

“Please. Let’s just stick with the Avvar thing.” I muffled a yawn. “I’ll pretend to be Avvar. Do you have any books on them? I guess if I going to be one, I will need to know a little bit about them.”   

He sighed and shook his head. “Let me take you back to your room. You look about ready to fall on the floor.”

 

 

And that was how it started. For another couple days anything Avvar related was brought to my room when he stopped by. I read the few things in the Arl’s library and assumed an Avvar identity. Alistair even commissioned some Avvar armor for me, had the blacksmith make me some daggers with Avvar embellishments on them and I christened myself ‘Nat’. Which wasn’t’ too much of a stretch, it was my mother’s nickname for me, anyway.   

Two weeks after waking up in Redcliff dungeon for the second time, Alistair told me he had to leave and asked me come with him. He was making a few stops before returning to Denerim and knew I was itching to get away from Redcliff.  Teagan and the Arlessa thought it scandalous but with half the king’s guard and Connor and Fiona as chaperones, they conceded and allowed us to travel together.  As if that would have stopped me.  So, with more fanfare than he preferred we set out in the royal carriage, his guards and the mages followed closely on horseback.   

“I’m sorry that your armor wasn’t ready but I will have them forward it to us when it is. I hope you like black?” He asked hopefully as I sat in the carriage fighting off motion sickness. “I figure you wore a lot of black in the pictures I remember from your phone so you must like black.”   

I nodded, only slightly concerned with how form fitting I remembered that particular armor to be, I had other concerns now. I was more worried with how it might feel against my still sensitive skin, less so than previously but it was still sensitive none the less. I was grateful it would cover up my scars, though, the old ones on my arms and the new ones everywhere else. The new me, I guess, scarred up body, burned off hair and practically crippled. I was so not glad to be back in Thedas.  

“My phone, do you happen to have it?”  I asked, hopeful but realistically it had been ten years.  I probably wouldn’t even still have it if I was at home.

“No.”  He shook his head sadly.  After a beat his face lit up and he smiled from ear to ear.  “But this I have.  I had it cleaned and found a heavy gold chain like you had before.  The horn was a little trickier with all the damage and all but the smith managed to attach it without ruining what was left.”   He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a piece of embroidered red fabric. 

 

He opened it revealing my grandfather’s cross.  My cross.  The halla horn which had broken and cracked was attached to the chain by a fine decorative wire.  It was beautiful.  He leaned forward and placed it over my head.  “I hope you like it.”

I threw my arms around his neck for a hug and kissed him on the cheek.  “I do.  Thank you.”

“Whoa.” He cleared his throat.  “I need to remember to get you more presents.” 

I leaned back against the uncomfortable leather seat across from him and fiddled with it as it dangled against my chest.  My fingers traced the edges outlining its familiar shape.  I closed my eyes.  The sense of peace it usually brought wasn’t the same.  Not it was just a reminder of a home I’d never see again.  I was still thankful to have it, though.

 

“What in the world is that smell?” I bolted upright after a few hours of traveling and poked my head out the carriage window. “Is that… darkspawn?”   

Alistair, who had been dozing, perked right up and joined me looking out the window. His scratchy unshaven face pushed up against my cheek.  “Darkspawn? Where? Driver! Please stop.”   

The carriage came to a stop and one of the guards opened the door. “Your majesty?”   

Alistair practically fell out the door as he hurried to exit the carriage. I saw him scramble up the side and heard as he stood on the top. “I do not see anything.” He called after a moment. “Are you sure?”   

Just then my stomach flipped and I raced to get out the carriage myself. No way did I want to lose it all over our nice ride. It may have been uncomfortable and rickety _and_ small but I still had to travel in it. I barely made it before tossing my cookies in a nearby bush. Nothing really came up, dry heaves mostly but my gut was twisting from the stench and a bit of motion sickness. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and looked over my shoulder to the carriage. Everyone was looking at me of course. One of his guards handed me a hankie from his pocket and I nodded my thanks while wiping at my chin.   

“Are you alright, Rena…. Nat? Are you alright Nat?” He steadied me and helped me to my feet. “Maybe we should rest here.”   

“God no! I couldn’t handle the smell.” I tried breathing through my mouth, covering it with the hankie and wrinkled my nose at the reminder of our good old days in the Brecilian Forest. “Maybe if I walked …”   

He shook his head. “No walking. At least not yet. You can walk when we stop for the night. My apologies, but we would not get very far if you walked. If you need some air ride with the driver or on one of the extra horses.”   

I ended up riding with the driver for another hour but it didn’t get any better. The horses were just too tall and uncomfortable and they smelled like... well, horses. Not very appealing at the moment. I soon began to regret coming. It was so bad I almost wished I had stayed in Redcliff.   

“Your majesty!” One of the forward riders shouted as he trotted back to us. “We found something.”   

A few feet away, off the side of the road were the bodies of three darkspawn. Dead ones, which is why Alistair didn’t sense them but I smelled them. My wolf sense was working overtime, it seemed. “That’s even more impressive than I remembered. Your range is so much farther.” He said.   

Yay me, I thought. I saw a couple of guards eye each other questioningly.   

“Ew. This is definitely the source. Can’t we get out of here?” I said inspecting the heap of corpses. I covered my nose and mouth with my hands as I carefully walked back to the carriage. By the time I got back, I was exhausted. Alistair was right, I would just slow them down. My stomach was gurgling a little bit but I was sure I could handle it, as long as we got away from here.   

“As soon as the guards are done digging a pit, I’ll push them in. We’ll cover them and mark it with a warning. I wouldn’t want anyone else being exposed to their taint.” Alistair explained. I guess without a hazmat suit or biohazard bags it would have to do as Alistair was the only one already exposed to it and I wouldn’t be much help.

It was frustrating how weak I felt and how much it limited my activities.   

We came to a tavern a few hours later and decided to stop for the evening. They didn’t have enough rooms for everyone but the owner permitted anyone else who needed to rest the use of his barn. Half of the soldiers rested there while the others half stayed with the King. The place was blessedly empty and when we were seated, meals were ordered for everyone. It wasn’t much, a stew of some sort but Al didn’t mind.  I on the other hand, was only able to stomach the bread. There was also fresh churned butter and ale and some kind of short cake so everyone was satisfied.   

The owner and his wife were a pleasant younger couple, George and Lulu. They had just inherited the tavern from his father. They were so honored the King was there, they were practically glowing. They apologized over and over for not having enough rooms or better accommodations or any scheduled entertainment but Alistair put them at ease as best he could.   

“My friend here likes to sing.” He told them pointing at me. “She is a bard. Maybe we can convince her to share one of her songs with us.”   

“Al!” I hissed shrinking down in to my chair. “This is not keeping a low profile. How many Avvar bards do you think there are?”   

“Come on now. Aren’t you the one who used to joke about singing for your supper?” Alistair smiled. “It’s been so long since I heard anything new. Ugh! And please don’t sing about me. There are way too many songs about me out there. Sing one of yours.”   

The owner’s wife, Lulu approached holding a lute. “Do you play?” She asked shyly. “I can take it back if you do not but it’s the only instrument we have and it may not be tuned properly.”   

I shrugged unhappily about being put on the spot and glared at him. “Oh, come now. YOU love it.” He said. “I remember those nights around the fire. It did not take much persuading for you to sing then.”

  “Al!” I moaned.   

“Pretty please. For old times’ sake?” He batted his still smiling eyes at me. Taking the lute from Lulu he laid it on the table and pushed it toward me. “I heard you were taking lessons while we were gone. Just one song. Please?”   

“It would be such an honor to hear the King’s personal bard perform.” George beamed at us, joining his wife at the table. I scanned the room looking for an escape but there was none, only half the king’s guard and Connor and Fiona leaning against the walls watching the exchange.   

Scowling I picked up the lute and cradled it in my arms. “You owe me one.” I mumbled to Alistair. “I wouldn’t know if this was in tune or not. I don’t even know how to play that well.”   

I strummed at the string a few times feeling the stretch and crackle of my fingers and it hurt, though not quite so bad as I expected. I glanced up to see the expectant smiling faces of the tavern owner and his wife, Alistair and Fiona and the King’s guard and sighed. No getting out of this gracefully. “You do realize the last time I performed was during the blight. I may not sound very good.”   

“Anything is better than nothing. Come on Ren …” Alistair started. “Come on Nat. You can even do it in your language.”

The other faces from around the room nodded, adding sounds of encouragement. Always the sucker, I thought. “Well you were warned.” I sighed and began to pick at the strings searching for a relatively easy melody.   

It felt terrible. The graceful movements Anora’s bard once praised as being natural and gifted felt unfamiliar and stiff. I couldn’t make my fingers touch where I wanted, no matter how hard I tried to stretch them. Then a string snapped under my finger. Then something snapped in me.   

“Dammit!” I shouted flinging the lute onto the table. “I told you I didn’t want to play. Now look what you made me do.”

I tried to stand up but my knee slammed the edge of the table hitting in exactly the right spot to send a numbing jolt of pain throughout my body. Gritting my teeth, I took a deep breath as stars floated around my head. I almost gave up knowing that the dramatic exit I had planned in my head was unfolding more like a comedy. But I was stubborn. I felt my eyes cross and with a groan I managed to get up from the table and pushed the chair with a step back.   

The tavern owner’s wife hurried over and removed the lute from the table. 

“Nat!” I heard Alistair call but I only had eyes for the door and getting out of that stifling building. The suffocating heat overwhelmed me. The number of people in the room, their proximity, all of it made it difficult to catch my breath. I thought I was going to faint. I didn’t remember it being so hot when we first arrived.   

A no nonsense looking guard stepped in front of me and blocked my exit.   

“The King calls for you.” He said placing a hand on my forearm. I stopped, raising my eyes from his heavily armored chest which is where I came to on him and travelled up to his face. I met his glare with one of my own, priming for a standoff but something shifted in his look and he let me pass. Whether he saw I meant business or he was ordered to release me I didn’t care. When he released me, I staggered out of the building?

My heart was pounding, my breath was ragged and something unfamiliar was building inside me.  It was dark and burned hotter than lava.  With deep breaths, I struggled to fight the feeling. I grabbed a hold of the porch railing as I fought to stay on my feet. I was determined not to collapse after making such a scene but I could feel myself weaken and begin to crumble. How I hated this frail limited body.   

“The King is worried about you.” The all too familiar melodic voice of my annoying Orlesian nursemaid spoke as I stared longingly at the trees lining the property.  She stood by my side and flung a cloak over my shoulders and fastened around my neck. Even if I had somewhere else to go, I couldn’t have made that far. I was just too broken. A subtle wave of magic washed over me, energizing me and cooling me down. “You were quite rude to everyone back there.”

“Yes mother.”  I rolled my eyes.

“I am no one’s mother and you should get back in there and apologize.”  She waved her hand to cast another rejuvenation spell. 

“Stay away from me, freak.” I snarled. I was on a roll and just then rude was fine with me. “Don’t you dare touch me with that foul perverted curse of yours anymore. I’ve had enough of that crap for two lifetimes.”   

She clucked her tongue. “This foul perverted curse as you call it, saved your miserable soul from certain death…"   

I whirled around angrily. “Did it?” I demanded. “Did it, really? Because I’m pretty sure I was dead and this body is a joke. I can barely stand up let alone walk around without getting winded and, and… as for my soul…"   

I trailed off unsure how to articulate the emptiness and rage and disappointment.  The loneliness. “You screwed up, Fiona, just like every other mage that tries to mess with the natural order of things.”   

“I merely used my gift to heal your body, my dear. Put back the pieces of your mangled form to the best of my ability.” Her words made me flinch.  What I must have looked like when they found me … The scars on my body were many and terrible, even in a hospital with all its technology I might not have survived my injuries. It was probably a mistake that I did here.

“You should have let me die.”   

“Nat!” Alistair cried storming from the doorway. The earlier irritation I had seen on his face at the table had melted into a look of concern. He nodded at Fiona and she walked back inside. “Why would you say such a thing? It is a miracle that I found you. I would never let anything hurt you if I could prevent it.”   

I turned back longingly to the tree line. “Something’s wrong, Al.  Everything hurts. Breathing, walking, sitting, standing, even wearing clothes.  It all hurts.”   

“Take ‘em off, then.” He joked.   

“I’m glad you find this amusing.” I hissed. “Fuck you.” 

“Weeelll,” He began. “if I thought that would help you, I would throw you over my shoulder right now and take you up to my room and make love to you all night. I am a warden, remember? I can do that. Warden stamina and all.”   

The sheer unexpectedness of his comment made me snort in laughter. I felt my ears warm up and looked at him. He arched his brow and nodded at me. “Liked that did you?”   

I couldn’t stop the corner of my mouth from turning up and nodded. I snorted again feeling the darkness recede. “You’re such a tease.”   

“Who says I am teasing.” He said roughly as he moved behind me. He didn’t touch me, just stood quietly while his breath tickled the hair on my neck. My pain was momentarily forgotten as goose flesh erupted down my spine. He smelled of dinner and ale but also something primal and familiar.  I couldn’t place or didn’t want to. He was close enough to touch me but he didn’t.   

“Al?” Doubt claimed me as always. Should I turn around and punch him in the arm or… well, the alternative had me fighting to catch my breath. 

“You had to know.” He whispered in my ear.   

I gulped. “Had to know what?”   

I felt him inch closer and his chest touched my back. “Nat, Renata, whoever you are… Ever since I met you…”   

I turned to look at him. His face was a hair away from mine. His pupils blown wide and eyes roving over my face. All we had to do was pucker then … “What do you mean ever since you met me?”   

Why tell me this now? The fragile calm I found with him vanished. I heard the whispers, rumors of the bachelor king. I knew what the situation looked like, what I looked like. It was all I could do not to strike him. Why would he make fun of me now? 

“You were the first girl that ever kissed me.” He inched even closer. “The others used to tease me mercilessly. Not you, though. I was so sure you could tell by the way I acted around you. Might as well have been a big old sign over my head.”   

“Just what about you accusing me of being a spy for Loghain and putting a knife to my throat was supposed to clue me in on how you felt?” My annoyance resumed at the memory.  Of course, he was teasing me.  “Or how about when you told Aedan I wasn’t good enough and he should break up with me or when you guys left me behind at Soldier’s Peak with Avernus! You even made a face when I kissed you!”   

He pulled back, startled. Seems it was not going the direction he thought. My anger won out and I raised my hand to slap him. His hand easily encircled my wrist stopping me from making contact. We heard a crunch and my hand ignited in pain, hopefully not broken, I thought. He looked stricken and dropped my wrist.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled and stepped back. 

“If you cared about me you would have slept with Morrigan!” I gritted my teeth as I rubbed my wrist.   

“What?”

“You should have slept with Morrigan, maybe then I could have believed you.” I knew how absurd it sounded. Sleeping with one to prove you cared for another.  Ridiculous!   This place was wacked!

“I did sleep with her, That’s the problem.” He snapped. “That lying witch! Ughh! It was horrible. Not how I pictured my first time. She claimed it should have worked, that she did nothing wrong and tried to blame me. Me!  Said my seed must have been inadequate or something. If I never see her again it will be too soon.”   

“You slept with her?” I leaned back against the railing trying not to collapse on my feet. Another detail that was not exactly the same from the game. Figured. “Then why did I die?”   

“You didn’t die.  You weren’t dead when we found you.  Almost but not quite.” He whispered. “I can’t see through you. I can hear you and… I can touch you.”

He lifted his hand, cupping my chin between his thumb and index finger. “You were and still are a miracle. A beautiful, moody messed up miracle but a miracle none the less.”   

Warning bells were tolling in my head but all I could hear was that he said I was beautiful after he already said wanted to make love to me. With an exaggerated sigh he stepped back further dropping his hands to his sides. “Let’s get you to your room. You look like you’re ready to drop on your feet. Do you think you can make it or would you like me to throw you over my shoulder?”   

Another snort from me had him chuckling. He placed an arm around me and led me back into the building. Everyone’ eyes snapped to us and then to the floor or the wall or anywhere but back on us. It was obvious they had been listening. I must have hesitated because he whispered an encouraging word only, I could hear. “I am taking our Avvar friend to her room. She has had a long day.” He announced loudly. “No need to bother her for the rest on the night.”   

“Your Majesty,” Lulu bowed. “Would you like a bath brought up?”   

He shrugged and looked at me. “What do you think, Nat. Will a bath do ya good?”   

I headed for the stairs with a nod and Lulu backed away.   With one hand on the railing and leaning heavily on Alistair, I made it to the top. How pitiful as it was that only after only one flight my legs were burning and my breath was ragged. It was becoming more and more clear to me that further physical activity was exactly what I needed facilitate my recovery.   

He helped me inside and over to the only chair in the room. The room was small but clean. There was only one small window that couldn’t even be opened, a full-sized bed and a small lit fireplace with one candle on the mantle. “I don’t know if I can stay here, Al. It’s so …”   

“Cozy?” He smiled.   

“I was going to say confining.” My eyes searched the room looking for anything to focus on besides the fact that I would be trapped in this cave for the night. I began to shiver. “What if I have a bad dream?”   

I grabbed onto his shirt and stepped into his arms. He wasted no time pulling me close. I took a deep breath and leaned my head on his shoulder. He ran a hand down my hair onto my back and coughed.

“Renata,” He murmured in my hair. “I used to imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t been so awkward but a suave and practiced man. What if I hadn’t been so afraid of not being good enough?”   

I studied the growth of gold, brown and red hairs on his chin that stopped just short of becoming a proper beard. Two stray grey hairs hid within the blond and I ran my finger over his chin.  “Good enough for what?”   

“Please?” He moaned in my ear then pulled back to search my face. I blinked.  Was he still asking for a song or…? No. There was no way he wanted to… With me… Did he? Seriously? No. Impossible.   

“Uhh…” I cleared my throat and nodded. Either way it was really hard to resist him. Even ten years older he was still hot. Kind, funny and… well I’d be lying if I said I never imagined what it could have been like with him.    

He leaned down and brushed my lips with his, lightly at first as if gauging my reaction. I guess when I didn’t belt him or vomit, he gradually increased pressure, molding his lips against mine. I had to pull back for air. The lack of oxygen was making me dizzy. “Was that okay?” He asked shakily.   

I couldn’t speak. I was flustered and he smiled. “May I? Again?” He asked. Lacking words I nodded mutely. He kissed me again, this time weaving his fingers through my hair pulling me gently against his moist soft lips. It was crazy. It felt so nice, it hurt.   

“Ow.” I felt a sharp tug at my hair. “Ow!”  

“Uh, sorry.” He apologized. “My ring is caught in your hair.”   

“Your ring is what?” I blinked reaching up to rub the side of my head. My fingers pressed against his stopping the hair pulling.  

“I can’t get it off and I can’t get it untangled.” He groaned. “I think we might have to cut it out.”   

“Oh, hell no!” With both of my hands I grabbed at his as he struggled to free it from my hair.  Nobody else was going to take a scissors to my hair until it had a chance to grow out some more.  “Just wait a minute.”   

I worked at it for a few minutes until his finger slid from the ring and I sat on the bed. Par for the course, something nice begins to happen then disaster strikes.

“I’m so sorry Renata.”  He sighed sitting in the chair across from me and waited as I untangled one of his gaudy jeweled rings from my hair. “I guess I’ll always be a bumbling kid around you.”   

It finally came free and after checking it for strands of hair I tossed it his way.   

I closed my eyes and scratched at my head trying to rub the irritation away. Flinging myself back on the bed, I exhaled loudly and propped myself up on my elbows.  I cracked an eye open to see him watching me, just sitting in the chair and watching me.  One of his elbows was propped on the table holding up the side of his head.  He looked so dejected, like he lost his best friend.  I almost laughed. “Third times the charm?”

Confusion flickered across his face but he soon figured it out and sat next to me on the bed.  “Truly?” He asked. He noticed me checking out his fingers and pointed to the table where three large jeweled rings sat and I nodded.   

His smile lit up the dimly lit room calling to me like a lighthouse in a storm.  He slowly leaned over me trapping me between the bed and his chest. His breath was warm as he laid tiny little kisses on my jaw.  Now that was relaxing.  It felt nice.  I tried to place my arm around his neck but he was accidentally pinning my elbow between the bed and my cloak and I couldn’t raise my arm.   Alistair must have thought I was trying to wriggle into a more intimate position because he rolled over and straddled one of my legs. The leg caught the lower part of cape and began to choke me. He noticed immediately and released the clip around my neck and my hand flew free hitting him square in to nose.   

“Ahh!” He yelled jumping off me and onto the floor. He cupped his nose and bent over at the waist. “Maker’s breath!”   

I jumped off the bed.  “Alistair!  Are you okay?  SHOOT.  I’m so sorry.”  I reached for his hands.  “Let me see.  Is it bleeding?   

He stepped away.  “S’okay.”  Came his muffled voice.  He held his hand up to keep me back.  “It’s okay.”   

He stood up blinking several times and finally let me removed his hand.  There was a tiny bit of blood under his nose but nothing major.  It didn’t seem to be broken.  “I think someone’s trying to tell us something.  What do you think?”   

I handed him the handkerchief his guard had given me earlier.  “Yeah, they hate me and I’m not allowed anything nice in my life.”  I plopped down on the bed and removed my boots.    

“Come on now, Renata,” He dabbed at his nose and checked the handkerchief for more blood.  “It’s really quite a funny story if you think about it.  Don’t you think?”   

“You planning on telling everyone about this, do you?”  I sulked throwing back the covers.  “Look, Al, I don’t know what I was thinking, I’m really tired.  I just want to go to sleep.  I don’t want a bath.  I’m not hungry, just sleepy.” 

He pursed his lips and watched me for a moment before sitting next to me on the bed.  He kicked off his boots and laid on the opposite side.  Not that it was very far, it was full size after all.  “Come on sweetie, don’t be like that.  Why don’t I just stay here until you fall asleep?”  He extended an arm giving me room to cuddle against him.   “I’ll be right here if you need me.  You know just in case you have any bad dreams.  Maybe my good dreams will cancel out your bad dreams.”   

“How do you know you’re going to have good dreams?  Yours are as bad as mine.”  I nestled against him and gingerly laid my arm over his abdomen.  He grabbed my hand and pulled around his chest so that we were well and truly cuddling.   

“I have been imagining what this felt like for years and now it’s actually happening.”  I could hear him smiling.  “It’s even better than best dream ever.”   

“Years, huh?”  I asked smiling to myself.  “Even without… you know?”  He sure knew how to make a girl feel good about herself.

 “Hmm huh.”  He answered and kissed the top of my head.  “Even without… you know.  Now go to sleep, Nat.  We have a big day tomorrow.”


	3. To Old Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out the first destination of their trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I am going back to shorter more frequent updates. These long chapters are hard to write and I prefer the frequent updates.

The ride the next day was long boring and uncomfortable and the monotonous pounding of horse hooves lulled me to sleep on the uncomfortable ride.  It provided the perfect opportunity for me to avoid dealing with my complicated feelings toward Alistair.

The night before Alistair and I had laid next to each other affording the comfort denied both of us so long ago after ending the blight.  For Alistair, it was because of his duties and passion for rebuilding the Wardens and I, for reasons I didn’t understand.  Duncan, Aedan, Argent and every other hero was mourned in our own private memorial and what little sleep we did manage to get was plagued by restlessness and nightmares.  Unfortunately, just as we succeeded in nodding off, a knock on the door informed us the sun had risen and the carriage would soon be ready to continue our journey. 

Bleary-eyed, we stumbled half asleep to wash our faces with the water from the pitcher on the side table and proceed down the stairs.  We were too tired to do more than grunt at everyone and ate breakfast in silence as everyone tiptoed around us.   

A gentle tap on the shoulder woke me.  “We are almost there.”  Alistair yawned rubbing his eyes.  He pointed out the window to a large sprawling structure in the distance and smiled.  “There it is.”  

Nestled in the lush green landscape was large castle-like building surrounded by high stone walls.  The view was impressive as we descended the foothills.  Herds of cattle or something similarly shaped grazed in the distance and stone and wooden houses with smoke in their chimneys marked the way, windmills turning in circles and fields growing various crops dotted the countryside.  As we neared the walled compound people stood in the doorways to modest homes while others leaned on fences smiling and waving at the carriage.  It seemed Alistair was a popular king.    

“Who lives there?”  I asked as we both leaned out the window, our cheeks lightly touching.   

“An old friend of mine.”  He smirked.  I could feel his breath on my ear as turned to look at me.   “I can’t wait for you to meet him and he will be so surprised to see you.”  

I pulled myself back into the carriage still unnerved by our closeness.  He was a King after all and a good looking one.  He was being so nice, it was getting hard to think straight around him.  “Wait, do I know him?  Did you tell someone I was alive?  Damnit, Alistair!  I thought we agreed not to say anything…”  

“Wait a minute.”  He covered my mouth with his hand.  “Don’t get worked up, geesh.  He knows I am coming.  He knows nothing about you.  YOU know of him though, I think anyway, but I promise it is a good surprise.  You will like it.  I promise.” 

  “Alistair,” I pulled my knees up to my chin almost falling off the narrow carriage seat.  “I don’t want anyone to know about me, okay?  Please?”  

He shook his head and placed an arm around my shoulder. “You will like it I promise.”  He winked.   

I managed half a smile and instead of closing my eyes and trying to relax, I decided to take in the view.  “I better.  If you think I was a bitch last night, you ain’t seen nothing yet.”  

“Look.”  He chuckled pointing out the window again.  A lone rider raced toward us from a distant field.  Al sensing my apprehension quickly squeezed my forearm and assured me it was safe.  “Oh, he does that every time we arrive.  He likes to rile up the horses and try to get them to race.  It’s just the Teryn’s son.  He’s harmless.”   

When the rider got closer, a blond man of about seventeen or eighteen, smiled and waved at the carriage.  “I’ll meet you there, Uncle Alistair,” he shouted before racing off.  “Dad’s inspecting the fields. I’ll let him know you’re here.”  

“Right-o!”  Alistair called after him half hanging out of the carriage.  “And tell him I brought a surprise!” 

“Uncle?”  I asked.

“Honorary, I assure you.”  He eyes crinkled in a smile causing me to avert my eyes.   

Approximately an hour later we arrived at our destination, a heavily guarded opening in a thick stone wall.   Armored men and women lined the wall with swords hanging at their sides.  Not one of them looked friendly let alone cracked a smile.   

“These guards look meaner than yours.  He must be a real dick to need that much protection.”  I whispered in his ear.   

“Just really careful.”  He smiled.  “He had an incident a while back so he’s very cautious and his men know it.  Come on, time to get out.”  

Great, I thought.  Just what I need, a suspicious stranger up in my business.   

“Do not worry, Ren… Nat.  Everything will be just fine.   You trust me, right?”   

I made a face but nodded and took a deep breath.  “Oh, well I guess I have to do this sooner or later.  At least I’m with you.”  

The King’s soldiers began to dismount and survey the area before they let Alistair or I get out of the claustrophobic little cab of the carriage.   The door opened letting in a welcome rush of fresh air.  I hadn’t realized how stifling it had been in there.  My motion sickness immediately subsided leaving me to feel only the slightest nausea, nothing getting out and walking around couldn’t cure. 

Ever the gentleman Alistair offered his hand and helped me down.  Flashing one of his dazzling smiles, his eyes locked onto mine as he held my hand longer than necessary.  I felt the blush creep up my cheeks but couldn’t look away.  This confident new Alistair was going to be the death of me.   

I finally managed to look away and attempted to smooth the wrinkles out of my dress when a two-hundred-pound mass of muscle and fur tackled me to the ground smothering me with slobber.  Its sheer weight knocked the air out of me before I even hit the dirt.   

“Andraste’s ass!”  I heard Alistair exclaim as he tried to tug the beast off of me.  “Are you okay?”  

But I couldn’t answer as the drooling tongue of the wiggling whimpering beast was licking the skin off my face.  I managed to cover my mouth, at least, with my arms but it only served to excite the animal more as it produced a frantic high-pitched whine.  I could hear Alistair grunting as he unsuccessfully attempted to pull it off of me and as soon as I could I rolled over onto my stomach to protect my face and catch my breath. 

I finally sat up and was able to see the animal for the first time.  An ancient war hound with cloudy dark eyes was squirming by my side like a puppy and trying to shove his head under my arm.  It let a fierce growly bark at all of the guards that got near enough to try and help me up.   

“Maker’s breath!”  Another voice gasped.  “Drake!  Get off her now!  Oh, Maker, I am so sorry.”  

The dog growled menacingly as the man held out his hand to help me off the ground.   

“I’d back up if I were you,” I advised him.  “It doesn’t seem like he likes you right now.”  

I heard Alistair chuckle and he released his ineffective hold on the dog.  “Like me?  This is my dog.  He better like me.”  

Then it dawned on me.  He called the dog Drake.  I turned to the war hound and grabbed onto his jowls staring deep into his half-blind eyes.  “Drake?”  I breathed.  

Saying his name stilled him and he cocked his head.  “Drake.”  I sobbed leaning into him scratching his chest.  The whining increased as did his attempt to lick my face clean of tears.   

“Your Majesty?”  I heard the man say as I sobbed on the ground into the neck of the dog.   

“It’s okay,” He told him.  “They are old friends.”  

After about a minute my tears stopped and Drake collapsed contentedly into my lap with a heavy sigh, just a couple scratches behind his ears and he practically fell asleep.  Still sitting on the ground, I was finally able to look at his owner.  Laugh lines around his mouth and a twinkle in his eye suggested a sense of humor but the thick scar down the side of his face hinted at something darker.  He offered his hand again but I reached for Alistair instead.  Drake wasn’t happy but stayed at my feet.   

“Your Majesty, My Lady.  I apologize.  I have no idea what came over him.  I have not seen him run that fast in years.  One minute we were in the stable and the next he rose up on his hind legs barking in the air then he raced out here.  He has become so frail, I would have put him down years ago but I am just a sentimental fool and he is usually so friendly.  Can you ever forgive me?”  

“Put him down?”  I stepped protectively over his body.  “He’s a hero.  Is that how you treat war heroes around here?”  

I looked at Alistair.  “Who is this man?  Why are we here?”  

He smiled and reached for a handkerchief inside his coat.  “Ahh, he would never do that, Nat.”  He started wiping the dirt and drool from my face.  I felt like a child and snatched it from his hand.   

“Yes, well. I guess I should make some introductions.  Funny, I thought you would have figured it out by now.”  He shook his head.  “I never know what you know and what you don’t.”  

“Father!  Father!”  The blond boy formerly on horseback raced over.  “The bitch is in labor.  We should have a new litter by the morning.”   

The older man reached out to his son and placed a protective arm around him.  “That’s great, Oren.   There is nothing happier than Mabari puppies.”  

I felt all the air leave my lungs again and reached out for Alistair to steady myself.  I’m sure my grip left marks.  I nearly tripped over Drake as I turned to him.  “Did he say, Oren?”  I sputtered grabbing onto his shirt.   

His gaze softened and he nodded.  He placed both hands on my shoulders.  “Breathe, okay?  Just take a deep breath and breathe.”  

I sucked air in my lungs half crying and half laughing.  “Oren?”  I turned around and cupped his face in my hands.  “You're alive?”  

Confusion clouded the boy’s face but he didn’t pull away he just placed his hands over mine.  “Father?”  

“You’re Majesty?  Alistair?”  The man asked.  I heard the concern in his voice. 

“Everyone, it is definitely time for introductions.  May we go inside first though.  Maybe go somewhere a little private?” 

I dropped my hands and covered my mouth as I began a fit of hysterical laughing and crying.  Drake not happy about my emotional outburst got up and leaned his head into my thigh. 

“Of course, will my study be suitable?” Oren’s father nodded then added.  “Will she be alright?” 

After Al assured him, I was indeed fine, we followed him into a courtyard trailed by both the King’s guards and the Teryn’s.  He eyed me with concern, though I’m unsure if it was for me or for his son.  We were led off to the left into a large dark room illuminated by candle sconces and an enormous desk at the far end.  A lit fireplace warmed the study from the side of the room and Drake pushed his way through the door plopping himself on an area rug in front of it with a sigh.  The guards waited outside.

The mantle was lined by half a dozen small portraits under a familiarly engraved shield mounted above it.   I reached up to run my fingers over the leafy design but quickly pulled back.  “We’re in Highever.”  I whispered turning to Alistair.  With his thumb, he wiped a tear that ran down my cheek. 

“Yes.”  He nodded, a shine forming in his eyes as well.  The look on his face was clearly asking for permission.  I consented with a nod of my own.  Clearing his throat, he turned to Oren and his father.  “Nat, allow me to introduce you to Fergus and Oren Cousland of Highever.”

“Fergus, Oren,” He took a deep breath.  “This is Renata … Cousland.”

I flinched at the surname but stayed quiet, waiting for their reaction. 

There was nothing at first as they were clearly processing what Alistair said so I clutched at Alistair’s arm and continued to wait. 

“Father,” Oren said turning to Fergus.  “Who is she?”  His gaze flickered between Alistair and I and his father.

“Well, son.”  Absently rubbing his beard, he cleared his throat. “I think the King has just found the Hero of Fereldan.”

“What?  Uh, no.  No, I am not the Hero of Fereldan.” I snorted at the title and rolled my eyes at Al. 

“Nat.”  Alistair pooh-poohed making light of my objection. 

“The Hero of Fereldan?  I thought you were dead.”  Oren stepped closer to look me over.

“I could say the same to you,” I snarked immediately regretting it as he paled and excused himself from the room.  “Shit.  Sorry.”

Fergus scowled but remained silent then collapsed into an overstuffed chair by his desk.  “The Hero of Fereldan?”  He raised a brow to Alistair.  “Really?”

He nodded and as if to emphasize the point, Drake ambled over and leaned into me.

“Well,” He rose from his chair and clapped his hands on my shoulders.  “Welcome home, sister.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was toying with the idea that Argent and Eleanor Cousland both be at Highever but I think this is better. Next we find out just how Oren survived the massacre.


	4. Chapter 4

“That is quite a tale, Your Majesty,” Fergus said taking a swig from a brown tinted bottle he had stashed in his desk. Leaning back against it, he stared at us, crossing his arms. “Impossible as it sounds, given Drake’s reaction and that it is you making the claim, I am inclined to believe it. But how can this be?”  
   
   
“That’s what I’d like to know.” I murmured. I mean really, just what had happened to me the last ten years and why was I back now? Other than a vague recollection of whispers floating in the dark, it was like I was just hanging out somewhere waiting to respawn.  I had figured Alexius’ time portal had something to with it since I came back at around the same time but Morrigan’s spell didn’t work so I should have been dead.  
   
It was starting to dawn on me just how little I really knew about the Dark Ritual.  As usual, naïve me took everything at face value because I played the game so I thought I knew what was going on.  I was beginning to understand the meaning behind the saying a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. And not just knowledge, mages too.  It seemed that they were always trying to take the easy way out instead of doing actual work, consequences be damned and someone other than them usually paid the price.

Someone like me.  Twice!   How else could I end up in that rat-infested dungeon two times?  
   
   
“Come on you two. What does it matter?” Alistair wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into a hug unaware of the shock of pain that radiated down my arm. “She’s back, that is what is important. I get back a good friend and you can get to know the woman that married your brother.”  
   
   
I nearly groaned out loud.  He was so excited about everyone getting to know each other, it was hard to be angry that my identity wasn’t a secret anymore. Not that we had been doing a great job of that already but at least when someone asked, we kept to the same lie. Now Fergus and Oren both knew who I was and Oren had left before we could tell him not to say anything. And still, we were fooling ourselves to think that Teagan and Connor hadn’t figured it out, they had both seen me before after all. As for Fiona, she had been around before we decided to keep my identity a secret and had been witness to all of our slip-ups, she had to know.  
   
   
Dizziness enveloped me and my mouth started to water.  “Al, this is too much. I need to go.” I clutched my stomach as it spasmed.  
   
   
“My Lady,” Fergus pushed himself from the desk, looking embarrassed. “Forgive me. Let me have someone show you to your rooms. You have had a long ride. Let the servants take you to where you shall be staying. I will have water sent up for a bath and when you are ready, you can join us for the evening meal. It should soon be ready and it will be good to catch up.  Perhaps we can finally satisfy some of each other’s unanswered questions.”  
   
   
“Thank you,” I said staring at the orange and yellow flames flickering in the hearth. Alistair tried to catch my gaze but I ignored him by closing my eyes, praying that I could make to my room before I got sick.  
   
   
“Are you alright?” He whispered in my ear threading my hand through his arm to lead me outside.  
   
   
Sucking in a deep breath, I shrugged. “I guess we’ll find out.”  
   
   
I was laying on the ridiculously soft bed trying to settle my stomach after having just thrown up in the chamber pot when someone quietly knocked on the door. Knowing that Alistair would worry if I didn’t respond I called for them to enter. Two burly men identifying themselves as servants of Teryn Cousland entered with steaming buckets of water, nearly tripping over Drake who has stationed himself as my guard at the door.  Three refills later the tub was full and I was sitting beside it behind the privacy screen testing the temperature by drawing lazy circles in the hot liquid.   
   
Wishing I had my phone and some earbuds to relax in the tub with, I kicked off my shoes and tested the water with my toes.  
   
   
There was another knock on the door and more men brought in a small trunk that held my few belongings or rather the items gifted to me by Alistair.  It consisted of a few articles of clothes and a pair of slippers.  The only thing I really still had of my own was my grandfather’s cross and that I never took off.  They set the trunk at the foot of the bed and a young fair-haired woman clad in a simple brown dress and apron followed behind them.  She closed the door after them when they left and looked around the room not noticing me behind the screen.  
   
   
“My lady?” She jumped at the sound of splashing water as I kicked my feet. “My name is Joanne and I have been sent to serve you during your visit with the Teryn. Is there something I can do for you?”  
   
   
“Uh?” She jumped again when I cleared my throat. I couldn’t tell if she afraid of me or simply nervous? I wanted to send her away, preferring my privacy but truth be told there was still so much I had trouble doing for myself. Walking aside, simple everyday things like washing my hair or anything where I needed to raise my arms over my head, was still quite excruciating.  I sighed.  “Sure. I might need some help.”  
   
   
With her help, my clothes were quickly removed and I was in the tub soaking in the hot water. She was careful not to show it but out of the corner of my eye, I saw her frown as she glanced at my back. I could only imagine what she thought of the scars. Thankfully, she was too polite to ask. I groaned contentedly when I leaned back into the tub of hot water. It felt heavenly on my sore and aching muscles. She allowed me a few minutes to relax then reminded me of the dinner with the Teryn.  I ‘m sure I made a face but leaned forward as she requested while she carefully began to scrub my back with a sweetly scented soap. It was probably a very nice scent but with my sensitive nose, it didn’t agree with me.  
   
   
She was very perceptive too. “My Lady, forgive me but if I may, I might have some finer fragrances I could use if you wish.?”  
   
   
“Unscented is better,” I hoped. “If you have it.”  
   
   
“I will see what I can come up with, just a moment, My Lady.” Then she disappeared around the other side of the curtain for a moment and returned with a much subtler scent. As we finished up my bath, she made small talk mostly about the traveling with the King and how lucky I was. She made it a point to tell me how handsome he was and how once when he visited, she foolishly dropped something at the sight of him and he picked it up and gave it back to her. He even smiled at her!  The way she gushed it was obvious she had a crush on him.  
   
After far too brief of a soak, I realized if I was going to make it to dinner, I would need to get out. Joanne helped me get dressed and do my hair and after thanking her I sent her on her way.  
   
Almost an hour had passed and I needed to find the dining room.  The trick to it, I found, was telling Drake where I wished to go. As smart as he was, I knew he wouldn’t let me down. The old dog seemed content to walk as slowly as I needed and even let me hold onto his scruff when I stopped to take a break. The distance from my room to the dining room was farther than I imagined and my legs were definitely burning when I arrived. A guard outside the door nodded and let me enter.  
   
   
Alistair, Fergus, and Oren were already sitting at the table in the middle of the meal but the rest of the room looked empty.  
   
   
“I’m sorry.  Did I miss it?  I got a little turned around?” I froze suddenly feeling very self-conscious about wearing the ugly beige dress that Alistair kindly bought for me.  Even Joanne tried not to wrinkle her nose at it knowing it was from the King but finally just sighed and helped me make the best of it.  We tried a different hairstyle too but eventually decided the previous one was probably the best and began re-braiding and twisting the clean damp locks and adding the beads.  She did a pretty good job and I almost couldn’t tell what horrible condition my hair was in.   
   
“I didn’t think I was that late.  Where is everyone else?”  
   
   
Raised as a gentleman, Oren immediately stood when I entered the room. “Lady Cousland, let me help you to your seat? Where is that girl? Why didn’t she help you?”  
   
   
I held up my hand. “I’ll never get better if people keep doing things for me. And _Joanne_ did help me but I sent her on her way. I didn’t think I needed her anymore this evening.”  
   
   
Oren nodded and stood at his seat as the other two men rose.  Alistair looked like he was barely restraining himself from jumping over the chairs to get to me and I just couldn’t get a read on Fergus. He was polite but off in some way I couldn’t figure out.  
   
   
“Well you look lovely but we thought you weren’t coming.  One of the servants said you had been ill. Do you feel like eating anything?” Alistair asked as I awkwardly plopped down in the chair beside him and Drake plodded off to lay by the fire. He slid a plate of meat and vegetables and a bowl full of fruit my way along with half a loaf of bread and a crock of butter.  
   
   
“The bread’s fine.” I nodded. “but no butter, please. I could use some water, though.” A servant emerged from an unseen alcove with a goblet and jug of water, placing it between me and Alistair. Alistair tore a chunk from the loaf and laid it on a plate in front of me. “Thanks. I never was really good at traveling unless I did the driving. I even got seasick snorkeling one time.”  
   
   
“Snorkeling?” The men echoed looking perplexed.  
   
   
“Uh? That word doesn’t translate, does it? Self-contained under water … you know what, never mind.” Blank looks still graced their faces as I waved them off. “It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I can get motion sickness really easy sometimes. Bread and water will be fine right now, but those bananas look fantastic! I might take one for later.  I couldn’t tell you the last time I had one of those.”  
   
   
I scanned the dining hall taking notice of all of the doors lining the walls.  There were at least six of them, perfect if I needed to make a quick exit but probably hard to defend.  And now that I knew they were there, it was easier to pick out the guards and servants hiding in plain sight amongst the colorful wall hangings and other elaborate décor.  I noted quite a few of them were keeping a close eye on me.  That was fine with me, I was an unknown after all.  At the end of the large room was an even larger fireplace warming everything and a rug in front of it that Drake made a beeline for collapsing in a huff.  
   
   
“I thought there would be more people here.  “Where’s everyone else?” I asked nervously nibbling on a bit of bread.  
   
   
“The others are eating in the kitchen,”  Oren said.  “Tonight, it’s just family.”  
   
“Oh.”  I halted dropping the bread onto the plate.  I felt the color rise up my cheek and spread to my hairline.  I must have looked like a damn tomato.    “Of, course.  Forgive my intrusion, I must have misunderstood.  I’ll just go back to my room then.  Sorry.”  
   
Alistair grabbed for my hand and stood with me.  “Wait, you do not need to go.  You belong here.”  
   
“No.”  Embarrassed I pulled away from him.  Why do I always do this to myself?  “No, he said only family and I’m not your family, Al.”  
   
I gave them a weak smile and turned for the door.  Fergus rose from his place at the head of the table and walked around blocking my path.  With a smile, he placed a hand on mine and spoke to me in a soft voice.  “No, it is I that should ask for your forgiveness.  You were not invited because you’re the like the King’s family.  My Lady, you were invited because you are ours.  Oren and I.  Maybe it is only through marriage but you are our family now and we must take care of each other.  Aedan would have wanted that.  We are honored to call you family and I am honored to call you sister.”   
   
We both looked over to Alistair who was watching the exchange with a smile and nodded.   
   
“oh.”  I breathed.  “Thank you, Teryn Cousland.  I … I don’t know what to say.”  I grabbed my goblet from the table and took a swig, practically gagging as I chugged its contents.  
   
“That was not water!”  I gasped grasping at my throat.  Oren politely covered his mouth with a napkin so I wouldn’t see him smile but Alistair just flat out laughed.   
   
Smiling warmly, Fergus guided me back onto my seat.  “Please Sister, have a seat.  Alistair has been telling us a little about what you have gone through, though even he is hazy on the details.  Sit back and relax.  We expect nothing of you and sincerely offer you whatever it is that you may require whether it be a place to stay for a while or a permanent home.  Anyone who could get my brother to settle down deserves as much.”  
   
He released my hand settling me back in the chair.  “Water for Lady Cousland, please.”  Fergus snapped his fingers and another goblet was placed in front of me and filled with water.   
   
“Please just call me Nat.”  I took a drink from the new goblet soothing my throat.   
   
I sat silently, watching as Fergus and Alistair talked.  It was all about crops and roads and taxes and some noble guy from one place angry with some noble guy from another.  It was difficult for me not to doze off, that’s how boring it was.  Oren seemed interested in it but I guess he was learning the family business.  Me, I felt my eyes glaze over as my mind began to wander.   
   
Aedan and his sister grew up here.  They probably sat in these very chairs and warmed themselves by that very fire, it seemed nice enough, they probably had a happy childhood.   
   
Then Howe attacked the castle killing most of the residents including their parents Eleanor and Bryce.  
   
Confusion.  Fear.  Grief.  Aedan and Elissa fled never able to imagine what was in store for them.  Then all hell broke loose.  
   
   
“What do you think of them?”  I heard Fergus ask.  “Nat?”  
   
“Nat.”  Alistair touched my arm.  Startled from my thoughts I noted his look of concern.  “Are you okay?”  
   
Nodding dumbly, I croaked.  “Yes.”   
   
Oren moved closer, watching me.  “My Lady, what do you think of them?”  
   
I bit my lip unsure who they meant.  “Of who?”   
   
“Why of the Inquisition, of course,”  Oren said.  “They sent some soldiers here a little while ago for a ceremony.  It was all very proper.  All the soldiers were well behaved.  They stayed outside the walls until it was time for them to perform their duty and then picked up and left without leaving behind so much as a trace.  They were so well trained and courteous.  I cannot ever remember hearing about such behavior from an entire regiment before.  So, what do you think?  About them?  About all of this?  What are your thoughts on all this?”  
   
“They must have made Cullen proud.”  I blinked.  I definitely didn’t want to get into a conversation about the Inquisition.  I planned on staying out of this one for sure.  Not getting involved.  No way.  Nope.  I shot Alistair a pleading looking hoping he would get the hint and get me out of here.  But he didn’t and as big as the room was it began closing in on me.  I felt short of breath and gripped the arm of my chair so tight my knuckles turned white.   
   
Impressed Oren leaned closer.  “Cullen?  You are on a first name basis with the Commander of the Inquisition forces?  How do you know him?  Did you meet him during the blight?  Is he really …”?  
   
“Oren,” Fergus interrupted putting an arm on his son’s shoulder.  “I think all these questions are upsetting her.  I apologize, My Lady.  I have kept him close since his mother died, maybe too close and any outside news only serves to excite him.”      
   
“Understandable.”  I stood quickly my eyes flitting to Alistair then back to Fergus.  “I can’t blame him for wanting to know as much as he can.  The quest for knowledge is an admirable thing.  But there’s a big world out there both scary and dangerous and I for one have no intention of looking for trouble again anytime soon.”  
   
As if reading my mind Drake ambled over and touched his nose to my elbow and tucked his head under my arm.  “Well if you’ll excuse me it looks like my ride is here.  And just in time, too.  I’m feeling a bit off again so I think I’ll turn in.”  My fingers curled around his thick rolls of skin and he took the lead toward the door.   
   
“Drake seems quite taken with you, my Lady.  It is good to see him doing more than laying before the fire all day.”   
   
Wide-eyed and wiping crumbs from his mouth, Alistair stood.  “I will come with you.  I can show you a short cut so you do not need to walk so far next time.”    
   
Quicker than my aching body preferred, I bid them a good evening and was out the door before anyone could say another word.  Rude, I’m sure but it was just too hard to be there.  I was welcomed with open arms, greeted warmly, even offered a home but there was no way I could stay here.  They didn’t even know the first thing about me.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting harder to write these chapters for some reason. I think I have some kind of writer's block. But I refuse to quit this story. I have challengedmyself and I will not quit. So bear with me and thanks


	5. Chapter 5

I leaned against the heavy wooden door listening to the sound of Alistair’s footsteps as he walked away. His offer to stay with me until I fell asleep was sweet but I simply needed some alone time. Everything was a bit overwhelming and him telling me that everything would be okay wasn’t helping me. So, standing on my tiptoes, I had kissed the crease between the brows on his disappointed face and sent him away, knowing I’d kick myself later when the darkness crept in. Still, I did it. Tonight, was about me, not about us. He was a king after all and if I wasn’t careful, I would mess things up with the only friend I had left. 

 

Collapsing into the bed, I stared at the ceiling before closing my eyes and trying to imagine I was anywhere eels but there. The room was far too dark and too small for my liking. Yes, I was tired but if I didn’t get out of there soon, I felt like O would choke on the stale dusty air. Already it was getting to me. I needed to get out of there and go somewhere else. Anywhere else. Drake sensed it and sat next to the door expectantly wagging his stumpy tail. A line of drool hung from the gray fleshy folds of his jowls swinging to and fro as he cocked his head. With a sigh, I slid to the floor and rummaged through trunk at the foot of my bed. I wouldn’t be able to go anywhere dressed as I was and not be noticed. The dress was far from inconspicuous. I would need something else. The trunk didn’t hold much in the way of clothing but I still managed to find a comfortable pair of trousers and tunic and was able to put them on without anyone’s help. 

If I could have high fived myself, I would have. Removing the dress had been tricky and my hair got stuck in it a few times but I finally succeeded in getting it off and tossed it on the floor. I cracked the door open, praying enough time had passed that nobody would have been lurking around my door then Drake and I went for a stroll. 

With no set destination, I followed him aimlessly around the grounds of the keep, slowly breathing in and out the fresh air trying not to make myself dizzy. I think he took me to every tree, bush and flower bed within its walls while marking his territory along the way. Then he led me to a little bench under a sweet-smelling tree and laid down panting for breath. Both of us seemed to have gotten winded at the same time, so I took a seat. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, as much to enjoy the tree’s subtle fragrance as to fill my own winded lungs. If I kept my eyes closed long enough, I could almost pretend I was back home lying on a blanket with Argent enjoying the scent of my neighbor’s lilac bushes while she licked at the breeze. 

I almost choked. Simple memories seemed to be the hardest. Unable to stop myself and with no one around to embarrass myself in front of I let myself cry again. My emotions and thoughts were at war. I was frustrated and sad and confused and angry. I missed my own home. I didn’t belong here. I felt like such a liar. An imposter! I couldn’t go on like this anymore. I wasn’t the Hero of Fereldan. I wasn’t from Fereldan. I wasn’t even a Cousland. I had to tell Fergus and Alistair now before things got out of hand. 

A big wet tongue attempting to lap up my tears but finding its way up my nose instead only heightened my determination. “Oh, sweetie,” I whispered into his head as I scratched the back of his neck. “How mad do you think they’ll be?” 

Another attempt to lick my face and a greying paw scratching at my leg forced a chuckle from me. “You and Argent are the only ones who seemed to know what I need. Even I don’t know anymore. Come on now. Let’s get back to the dining hall.” 

I stumbled around the keep trying to keep up with Drake. Despite his second wind, I was still lagging and just when I thought we would never get there, I found myself standing in front of the imposing wooden doors of the dining hall. Inclining his head one of the hidden the guards let us in. I wasn’t sure how long ago I left, I just hoped Fergus and Alistair would still be there. 

They weren’t. Only a few guards remained. 

Drake lifted his head and sniffed at the air before finding his happy place on the rug before the fire. Marginally impressed with myself for walking so much as well as frustrated at my weakened state, I leaned against one of the high back chairs next to the fire. It kept me upright and near enough to the fire that I could enjoy its warmth. Looking at the needlework on one of the nearby wall hangings, I noted they were much more impressive close-up. The colors, the texture, the details were all so realistic but I scoffed when I noticed the one with the werewolves. Vaguely I remembered a story of some Cousland ancestor fighting them off. Could they have been related to ones cared for by the Lady of the Forest? Could they have been my pack, however briefly it may have been? 

A lute was propped on a small table that doubled for a footrest beside the chair. The lute from the Inn. “Subtle, Al. Real subtle.” I muttered snatching it up and slouching in a very unladylike fashion against the cushioned back of the chair.   
As the small table was perfect for a footrest so I pulled it over and made myself comfortable. Resting the awkward instrument in my lap I experimented with the strings. So similar to a guitar yet so very different. It had so many more strings. I plucked another string. I never realized how many different muscles were in the human body and how many ached then when I struggled to play. I did remember that it took two hundred muscles to frown. 

I hummed hoping to find the notes I wanted but it was useless, I growled. “Who cares? Right, Drake?” 

“Does he ever talk back?” 

The double-take nearly broke my neck. Fergus was standing off to the side holding an ornate orange bottle in his hands. My hand fluttered to my chest in surprise. 

“Forgive me, Lady Cousland.” He stepped forward. “It was not my intention to startle you. I was unaware anyone was here. I come here sometimes to think. Do you mind if I sit?” 

My feet dropped to the floor, knees together, hands in my lap, eyes cast downward. I shrugged and waved him toward the chair laying the lute back on the table. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see anyone. I thought everyone left.” 

Fergus pulled another stool in front of him and rested his feet on top too. Letting out a groan, he pulled the cork from the bottle and took a swig, slouching in his seat as he swallowed. “Want some?” He offered, holding out the bottle. 

“Uh …” A whiff of the bottle revealed the scent of cherries and peppermint along with whatever grains they used to make alcohol. I shrugged and took the bottle anyway, almost dropping it. “Wow! That’s heavier than I thought.” 

Then I tasted it. It nearly made me puke. The taste of cherry liqueur was already not my favorite but I had hoped the mint and other stuff would disguise it. I had been wrong. I gagged down what was in my mouth and handed it back to him as fast as I could. 

“Acquired taste. Not for everyone.” Fergus smirked and held out what looked like a cigar. I shook my head. “Ah, did not take you for the type but Elissa enjoyed them from time to time. You knew of her did you not?” 

I grimaced, unsure where this conversation was headed. “Knew of her but never had the pleasure.” 

“Very few would have called it a pleasure. She was an acquired taste as well, so headstrong and opinionated, preferring swordplay over men.” He shrugged and pointed to the lute. “Alistair says you’re an accomplished player.” 

I snorted. “He does, does he? I don’t think he ever heard me play. I was only just learning before I … well before.” 

“Well to be precise he did say, performer. I just thought he meant the lute when I saw you with it.” He gestured to the instrument on the table. “Do not stop on my account. Pretend I am not even here. I will even close my eyes. Maker knows it would be nice to hear a little music.” 

I shook my head. “No, really that’s ok. I was just messing around. I usually just sing along to someone else’s music.” 

“Oh, well then ….” He sounded disappointed. The shadows dancing on his face cast by the firelight nearly hid the red in his face but it didn’t hide that he looked on the verge of tears. “Aedan told me about you. Did you know that?” 

“Huh?” I turned my head to get a better look at him. “What do you mean he told you about me? How could he have done that?” 

“Letters. Lots of letters. When you told him I was still alive, he started to write to me. He admitted that he did not quite believe it when you said that I was alive but he had things he wanted to tell me before he died.” Fergus rested his elbow on the arm of the chair and leaned his chin in his palm. He almost looked like a regular guy save for the weird clothing he was wearing. Leggings, pantaloons, whatever they were and some weird kind of vest. 

“Oh,” I said quietly and slouched back into the chair turning my attention to the imaginary string on my shirt that desperately needed to be inspected. “I never knew about that.” 

He chuckled, a loud hearty, friendly laugh that caused me to peek up from the not so loose fibers on my shirt. “Ah, my dear, you really are lovely. I can see how Aedan became so smitten with you. The King too.” 

“Really? What did he say?” I asked leaning forward and holding my breath. Did he know? 

“He told me many things, most of them about you.” This time the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end and I felt the growl in his throat as he met my eyes. Drake did too and positioned himself between us, hackles raised. He knew. Had to know. Aedan must have confessed it in one of his letters and now I was trapped in a lie because Leliana bruised his ego. 

“Maybe I should leave.” I got up from my seat but the chair that had been so comfy just moments ago seemed to have taken its toll on my back and I stumbled to my feet. 

“Sit down!” He barked. Startled I toppled back into my seat with Drake leaning against me as my protector. This was not going well. Not at all. 

“What do you want?” I hissed at him preparing myself for a fight. Hopefully only a shouting match but just in case I scanned the room looking for something to defend myself with. Again, Drake positioned himself between us nuzzling my hand for reassurance. As if I had any to give. The ‘schwing’ of multiple swords being pulled from their sheathes startled me, even more, putting me in panic mode. Three guards emerged from the shadows with swords raised and stood only a few feet away. “So, this is how it is, huh? I save the world and everyone still treats me like crap. Just do it, if you can. I don’t wanna be here anyway.” 

“What?” He paused, wrinkling his forehead in confusion until he noticed the guards around us. “At ease!” He told them through a facepalm then stood up and threw the bottle in the fire with a crash. It flared a bright red before turning back to its normal orangey yellow flames. He sighed and leaned against the hearth staring at the embers. 

“Sometimes I drink a little too much.” He closed his eyes and touched his forehead to the wall. “Since the death of Oren’s mother, it seems to be the only thing that helps.” 

“Except for when it doesn’t.” I exhaled as the soldiers sheathed their weapons and slunk back into the shadows. 

“Except for when it doesn’t.” He agreed. “Again, I offer you my apologies. I reread a couple letters after supper and they brought back a lot of unanswered questions.” 

“Are you going to kill me?” I asked still frozen position. 

“No.” He appeared horrified, gesturing for me to return to the chair. I stayed frozen in place until he slumped back in his chair then I grabbed the lute holding it against my chest. It was the only thing around I could reach if I needed a weapon. Drake laid his head on Fergus’ lap and licked him on the nose. “Sorry boy. I did not mean to upset you. I will keep my promise to him and take care of her.” 

“I’m sorry? What promise?” 

He removed some papers from a pocket in his shirt. “The letters.” He handed them to me but set them on the table when I didn’t take them. “They were waiting for me when I returned to Highever. It took me close to a year to open them. It seems he was a bit of an arse to you. He openly admitted it in his letters, but he did try to do the right thing in the end, of that I truly believe. In one of them, he asks me to take care of you if he doesn’t make. You seemed to have made quite an impact on my spoiled little brother, maybe even helped him become a man.” 

I felt the tip of my mottled ears heat up at his words. “Uh, no. No. I didn’t … We didn’t …” 

“It is alright,” Fergus whispered softly. “I know. Your secrets are safe with me and you are welcome to stay here as long as you wish. I know why you are unable to get back home. It is my hope that in time that you can consider Highever your home and Oren and I, your family.” 

Drake chuffed, offended by his exclusion. 

“Sorry, boy. I hope you can consider Drake, Oren and I your family.” He amended, reaching to scratch the Mabari’s head before he waddled back to his rug in front of the fire. 

“You… You know that I’m Avvar? That’s what you’re telling me?” I asked, checking the reaction of the guards surrounding the room. There was none. How could he act like his servants and guards were deaf? They almost skewered me. Way for you to keep my secret Fergus! 

He chuckled. “They are loyal to me. Nothing will ever leave this room. So, Avvar? Is that what you two concocted? Your size does not call forth visions of a fierce Avvar tribesman. My little brother is not very imaginative, is he?” He cleared his throat. “Was he?” 

“You can blame me and Al for that. Your brother is completely innocent of that one.” I slumped into the chair, relaxing as I realized he was not going to hurt me but he was tipsy and only wanted to talk about Aedan. “Size or not, I did kill a dragon. But I suppose you could have come up with something better?” 

He smiled and chuckled again. “I stand corrected. You ARE a fierce one. So, an Avvar bard, it is then.” He nodded at the lute cradled in my arms. “I suspect that will be a good enough explanation why most of your songs will be in a different language. While you may come across a few Avvar, most of them tend to stay with their clans in the mountains. You should be safe enough, though you will be a curiosity.” 

He crossed the room and grabbed a pitcher and two goblets from the table and began to pour. “Be at ease, Renata.” He said noticing the look on my face. “This is only water. Tonight, I find myself in need of a different kind of help.” 

“You have been kind enough but it sounds like you’re going to ask for a favor.” I shook my head in disappointment. “And that’s what usually gets me into trouble.” Thrusting both drinks in my direction, he allowed me to choose which goblet I preferred. Then without hesitation, he emptied the one I left in his hand. I guess it was supposed to be a gesture of trust on his part but I was still waiting for the shoe to drop. There was always a catch. No one did anything for no reason. 

“Spill it, Fergus. Whatdaya want?” I set the goblet down without so much as looking at it, almost missing the table and nearly spilling it in the process. “How can I help you?” 

“Sing to me?” He requested. The slight pleading in his voice caught me off guard, triggering both my compassion and irritation. Sing to him? 

I laughed nervously. “Sing to you?” I huffed. “You don’t ask for much, do you? Just bare my soul, right. Well, you won’t understand my singing anyway. I usually sing about feelings not deeds.” 

“Believe it or not I do have feelings. I just choose not to show them and I went to the Orlesian Opera with Orena once and I did not speak Orlesian. While I may not have understood the meaning of the words themselves, I felt them and I saw what it meant to her.” His eyes glazed over as he stared at the wall over my head. He was a million miles away perhaps even decades in the past. “Aedan wrote of your singing, soothing, soulful and full of passion. If you would do me this courtesy, I would be forever grateful.” 

Guilt sucks. 

Really. All I wanted was to tell him to no, but as much as I wanted to be a bitch, I felt sorry for him. His entire family, save for Oren was brutally murdered here and it wasn’t like he could just pack up and move. He had a duty to his land and his people. It must have sucked for him too. 

All he wanted was a song … 

“Okay,” I said as I struggled to come up with something both appropriate and easy. My heart just wasn’t in it. 

“Okay,” I said again after a moment. “But it sounds much better with music and I don’t know if I can play the whole song.” 

“Thank you.” He leaned back into his chair and closed his eyes only cracking one open when I strummed a few off-key strings hoping for a bit of muscle memory. I didn’t sing right away, only warmed up the muscles in my hand by plucking random strings. My fingers were still stiff but I wouldn’t say it hurt and the more I played the looser they felt. Finally, when I was happy enough that I could make out the tune I was hearing in my head, I started to hum, softly at first, then with more confidence. I was too embarrassed to look at him so I stared into the fire while I sang. 

 

‘I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I'll never let you go   
When all those shadows almost killed your light   
I remember you said don't leave me here alone   
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight 

Just close your eyes, the sun is going down   
You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now   
Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound 

Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything's on fire   
The war outside our door keeps raging on   
Hold onto this lullaby even when the music’s gone, gone 

Just close your eyes, the sun is going down   
You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now   
Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound 

Just close your eyes, you'll be alright   
Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound’ *

 

When the last note faded, I sneaked a peeked at Fergus out of the corner of my eye. He was so quiet I thought maybe he had passed out from the alcohol but firelight glistening on his cheek hinted at the truth. He took in a slow ragged breath but otherwise didn’t move. Someone handed him a handkerchief. He flinched but took it, dabbing at his eyes. When he finally composed himself, he stood up clearing his throat. 

“See,” A voice from behind us chimed in. “I told you, you could do it.” 

Leaning against the wall was Alistair, looking relaxed and sleepy and ready for bed. “You can keep the handkerchief.” He pushed off the wall and smiled at Fergus, patting him on the shoulder. 

“You play better than you let on,” Fergus whispered. “And your translation was near flawless.” 

“Thanks.” I ignored the warmth blooming in my cheeks, opting instead to concentrate on the stiffness in my fingers. I wiggled them in my lap, too embarrassed to look up. “Wait! What do you mean translation?” 

“I thought you were going to sing in the ‘Avvar’ tongue, but you did it in Common instead. Thank you. It was beautiful.” Fergus cleared his throat again and stood up heading for the door. “Have a nice evening. I will see you both in the morning.” 

“Weird,” I said under my breath. “Very weird.” 

Alistair came up beside me as I put the lute back on the table. “Sneak,” I said. “Were you following me? Were you there the whole time?” 

He raised his hand over his heart in mock offense. “What me?” 

“Yes, you.” 

“What?” He feigned innocence. “I was just worried about you. I think you are overdoing it. Do I need to remind you, you were near death a few weeks ago? Plus, I couldn’t sleep.” 

“Yeah, well,” I yawned. “Your magey momma put me back together, now didn’t she? So, everything must be hunkey dory, huh?” 

“Magey momma?” He muttered confused. “Oh! I know. You mean the Grand Enchanter. Yes! She is rather motherly, I guess. Well, your mother says that you should take it easy and get some rest. So, can I escort you to your room?” 

He smiled adorably and offered up his elbow. “I’m not tired.” I yawned again and sighed as he caught me in a lie. “Okay, it’s too dark in there. I just can’t do it. I can’t stay there.” 

“Well, my room has a great big window. Would you like me to take you there?” He asked. “You can even see the stars from the bed.” 

“Isn’t that inappropriate?” I asked latching onto his elbow. “I mean last night was different because I was being such a brat but tonight …” 

“I do not care.” He patted my hand and led me toward the door. “Inappropriate or not, if you need me to stay the night, I will stay the night. Besides, what are they going to say to me? I am the King.” 

He led me through the twisting pathways of the grounds until we came to a tower about three stories high flanked by the King’s guard. They acknowledged him with such a slight nod of the head without making eye contact, it was almost imperceptible. It reminded me of the videos I saw of the guards at Buckingham Palace. A wave of sadness overcame me as I realized I would never see the real thing. 

“Are you okay, Nat?” He winked, not missing a thing. 

Taking a deep breath, I looked at him and forced a smile as we entered his room. “Of course, your Majesty. I’m with you how can anything be wrong?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I can get this out! Thanks to everyone for their encouragment and love. It's all of you that I am pushing myself out of my comfort zone and doing this. 
> 
>  
> 
> Song - Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!! Thanks to everyone who hung in there. Sometimes you just need a break. I think I finally figured out how to share the ideas that have floating around in my head for close to two years now. So on with the show!

When I woke up the next morning, I almost felt refreshed. If I had been able to wake on my own, I would have probably had no complaints, but the faint sound of humming roused me from a night of much-needed sleep. 

“Al?” I mumbled wearily rubbing at my eyes. “What is going on?” 

“Al?” A familiar voice giggled. “Is that what you call him in private? Well, he is not here, Milady. He left at sunup and asked that you not be awakened. It is nearly midday, though and he left a message for you.” 

Dazed, I clutched the thick bedspread to my chest and sat upright. Given the fact that Alistair and I fell asleep in our clothes, it may have been unnecessary but it was instinctual. My privacy had been invaded. “What the hell?” I grumbled. 

“My apologies,” She tilted her head. “I am not familiar with that phrase? Furthermore, let me also apologize for my unacceptable behavior yesterday. I had no idea you were one of the King’s lovers. If I had, I never would have spoken to you in such a fashion. He is just so handsome and nice …” 

My mind was racing as she rambled on. “Joanne,” I snapped my fingers effectively interrupting her monologue. “What did you just say?” 

“What? That my cousin had a friend that worked at the castle and she said that he …” 

“No.” I cut her off. “Did you just call me one of his lovers?” 

I couldn’t decide if I was more irritated at her incessant rambling or offended that she thought I might be part of some harem. She turned pink, probably finally realizing how inappropriate she was being again, but no, she continued. “I guess I should have known. You are his type after all. His fondness for dark-haired foreigners is well known.” 

“Joanne!” She flinched, finally catching on to my irritation when the throw pillow I tossed hit her in the leg. “Whether or not I have licked his lamp post is nobody’s business but mine. So kindly get out of here before I lose my patience.” 

Looking confused she rushed out of the room successfully evading another volley of cushions and left me to my own devices. Unfortunately, though, she left without relaying Alistair’s message. So, not knowing the plan for today, I decided to explore the compound, but after making my way back to my room to freshen up. I wanted to see firsthand where my own go-to character’s origin story all began. Who knew how long it would take Alistair to do whatever it was he had to do anyway? I could only hope he would find me when he was done. 

During my snooping, I stumbled upon a library filled with books but no people, a vacant Chantry and an unguarded armory full of sharp, shiny weapons. There wasn’t even a sleeping guard or a group shirking their duty by playing cards. I couldn’t imagine where everyone could be. But since no one was around to kick me out, I decided to do some possible looting, I needed some protection. The broad swords were too big. The long swords were too heavy and the axes were absolutely ridiculous. I couldn’t fathom how Oghren ever managed to use one. I could barely move them. Nothing in there was even remotely useful to me. 

Disappointed, I turned to leave when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Another wall I had somehow missed, lined with staves and daggers, just waiting for me. Perfect. The staves weren’t exactly what I was used to but they were tall and straight and could be handy in a fight. The ones in here were heavier and made of metal where I was used to a lighter one made of wood. One staff had sharp angry looking spikes at the top of it, another had what looked like a knife sticking out of its top but the one that interested me most had a thin curved blade extending from the top reminding me of a sickle. For all I knew about weapons, it could have been one. I checked their balance anyway, feeling their weight in my hands, pretending to move and slash and parry as if I knew what I was doing. 

I picked them up. They were definitely felt different than my other staff and they certainly didn't feel magical. There weren’t any glyphs or vibrations or anything etched on them indicating otherwise. My favorite of the weapons was the staff with the sickle or stickle as I chuckled to myself. I lunged a few times, blocked a few times and then twirled it over my head but the damn blade got caught in a chandelier hanging from the ceiling. I had a hell of a time getting it loose. Grateful there was no one around to see me make a fool of myself, as usual, I put it back only nick a dagger and sheath as I slinked out the door and attached them to my leg. 

What? I needed some kind of protection. 

Thanks to my wolfish background, I picked up the scent of sweaty men and followed it until I heard the sound of grunting and metal on metal. I came to a crowd of men surrounding a training ring. At least I thought it was a training ring then I got a good look at the two men in the middle. They were tired and sweaty and hacking away at each other with real weapons. One of them could barely stand up. His face was swollen and bloody and both of them were gasping for breath. I slipped between the crowd to get a better look at the two fools when someone finally stopped me. 

A burly man with long red hair surprised me and pulled me back from the rail by my elbow. “’ Tis no place fer a lady.” He scowled. Shocked that he dared touch me without my permission, I snapped and my instincts took over. I flipped the big guy on his back and pressed my heel to his throat. I was mildly impressed with myself for actually pulling it off, less so when I remembered the heel of the boot was flat and not very dangerous. Not much of a threat, I admit. I merely knocked the breath from him. If I would have remembered the dagger it surely would have found itself resting against his throat instead. 

“Don’t ever touch me without my permission again!” I hissed, fully experiencing the burning pain in my muscles caused by my hasty actions. 

I heard a collective gasp from the crowd. 

Big Red yelped. The shock on his face was obvious but brief. Almost immediately he grabbed my ankle and flipped me on my own back, leaving me panting for air as well. My vision swirled as the blood drained away and I struggled to breathe. Coughing, I kicked my feet up as one of his meaty hands clenched around my throat and squeezed. I held tight as he lifted me up, flailing about as I tried to get loose. 

His mouth was open and he must have been saying something but all I could concentrate on was the sound my neck would make when he snapped it in half. I began to bang on his wrist with my fist, still kicking my feet. “The fuck, man?” Was all I managed. If I got out of this, I was going to get a spiked collar, dip it in poison and wear it around my neck. See if anyone tried that again. 

I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer; I was fading fast. It already was felt like my head was exploding. But in that last second, before I blacked out, I had a Eureka moment and grabbed the knife strapped to my leg. I slashed his forearm as hard as I could. In an instant, the ground came up to meet me. My vision gradually cleared but my head and throat hurt like a bitch. As I crouched in the dirt, one hand on my throat the other keeping me from collapsing face down on the ground, I heard a bunch of screaming and yelling. Somebody kneeled beside me talking in my ear but I just couldn’t make out the words. 

“Lady Cousland!” I finally understood, as hands went around my shoulders and tried to prop me up. The knife in my hand, with a mind of its own, thrust outward searching for the unwanted molester. I don’t know if it found its mark but whoever was touching me, let go. 

“Nat!” Another voice shouted louder. “Alright everyone, back off!” 

As air filled my lungs again, the space around me cooled significantly and a feeling of calm began to wash over me. Someone was casting. Damn it. Stupid magic, I wanted to stay angry. I had the right to stay angry. “Cast anything on me again and I will break your staff in two.” I croaked to the unseen mage. 

“Alright back off.” It was Alistair barking orders as he pulled me to my feet. “Nothing to see here. I can’t leave you alone for a minute, can I?” 

Grumbling, mumbling and ‘Yes, Your Majesties’ were said as the crowd parted and he guided me back to my room. The smell of magic followed so I knew a mage wasn’t far behind. I turned and caught a worried looking Connor about six feet behind us. He froze and my anger died at the worry in his sad brown eyes.

Darn, he was just a child and I was being a rotten bitch. Still, I was too stubborn to thank him or apologize. 

“Come on,” Al rubbed my back. “We are almost there. Then you can explain to me all about that shit show back there.” 

I rolled my eyes at him, gesturing at my throat. 

“If you stop being such a baby Connor can heal that right up for you.” He sighed when I glared at him. “Your choice. But it is a stupid one if you ask me. You said it yourself many times, magic is just magic. It’s the people that are good or bad. Magic is just a tool. So, let the boy help you, why don’t you.” 

I glared at him even harder. 

Sighing louder, he waved the boy off and we entered my room. 

Whirling around, I sniffed back some tears. “It wasn’t my fault. He just grabbed for no reason.”

A gloved hand gently covered my mouth. “You of all people should know how dangerous it is to wander around an unfamiliar area. Do you know these guys are trained to kill anyone that looks the slightest bit suspicious? And you! You go and cause a scene over a little hazing.” 

Alistair was practically yelling at me. It was angriest I had ever seen him since the day he accused me of spying for Loghain. He’d made up for that a thousand times since then, of course, but his whole face was turning beet red and an unattractive vein was beginning to bulge from his forehead. It was kind of scary. 

“Hazing? Give me a break,” I started. “They were killing each other. He …” 

“No! You give me a break. I am trying to help you. Maker knows you need it, but that man almost killed you! If Connor hadn’t been there watching that stupid display, you would have died. As it is, you take a stab at the kid and curse at him like he was the one that attacked you. He’s just a boy. What is the matter with you?” He pulled back and started to pace around my room, throwing his hands in the air and pulling at his hair. “I want to help you. I do, but I just do not know how. I do not know what you need.” 

He grabbed me by the shoulders, pulling me into a tight embrace. “Tell me what to do. Tell me how to make this better for you.” He breathed into my hair. I felt him shudder and take a long deep breath before he pulled away to look at me. The vein was gone but his face was still red. “Tell me what to do. How can I make this better? How can I keep you safe?” 

He knew what I was thinking. I saw it in his face as soon as the thought appeared in my head and his shoulders slumped, confirming what I already knew but needed to ask. “Send me home?” I squeaked. 

He collapsed in one of the wing chairs with a disgusted sound. “I cannot. You know I cannot. Even back then, Avernus told us it was impossible. Besides even if it could be done, Avernus is dead and there is no way to recreate that magic now.” 

“What?” I squeaked again falling back into my bed and rubbing my throat. 

“Sorry,” He said absently. “Yeah, Avernus is dead. Finally. Guess without that blood magic deal he had going; he finally met the Maker. About time, though, that man was ancient. It was unnatural.” 

“Right,” I murmured. “Because that’s the only thing about magic that’s unnatural.” 

“Listen, I have an idea that will make you feel better.” Alistair jumped up clapping his hands together, his face brightened. “Let us do something, just you and I. Let us go into town. We can just put all this behind us. You need a few things of your own. You definitely need a better weapon than that training dagger you found. There are new merchants that have temporarily set up stalls while they wait for their escorts to Skyhold. I hear they have some interesting things. Maybe there is a jeweler.” 

He wiggled his eyebrows and smiled brilliantly. “A distraction!” I snorted. “Are you avoiding what’s just happened? Is that supposed to make me feel better?” 

“I’ m not avoiding it. I just don’t know what to do. So, yeah… shopping. I thought you liked that kind of thing.” He said hopefully, cocking his head to the side. I just stared at him, less angry, torn over whether to be a bitch or get over it. He raised his eyebrow higher at my silence. Okay, so he knew me. My weak spot was jewelry. Always has been. Always will be. So, I relented, if anything could raise my spirits it would going shopping while someone else paid for it and how could I say no to a King? Besides, I needed to find a new staff and I’ll be damned if I wasn’t going to get a collar for my neck. I didn’t care what anyone thought about it. 

Shortly thereafter we left for town. Mostly I think he was trying to entertain me. I did get to order three pair of leggings, two made of leather and one made of linen or something like it. Apparently black was going to be my go-to color from now on. Since they didn’t sell anything premade off the rack, my measurements were taken and the delivery was promised for tomorrow evening. I guess one of the perks of being royalty. Unfortunately, I didn’t find any shirts or weapons that appealed to me, but I did find that dog collar. 

Well more like a harness. It had short dull spikes and was made of black leather. Both Alistair and they hound master looked at me funny when I requested it be fitted to go around my neck. He so didn’t approve of it and stubbornly requested I not wear it around the keep. 

“Thank the Maker,” He rolled his eyes after I agreed. “I am leaving Highever the day after tomorrow. What you do after that is up to you. But let us just try to stay out of trouble until then.” 

An honor guard with two rows of soldiers in gleaming armor was lined up at the entrance to the keep anticipating his return. It was probably the reception he should have gotten yesterday but we arrived so late and probably not on schedule so Fergus was making up for it now. All the pomp made me smile but Al wasn’t amused one bit. “I told him not to do this. This was supposed to be low key.” He muttered. “Now we have to smile and play nice while Fergus puts on this display. Maker! I wonder who he invited.” 

“We?” I teased. “Oh no. That’s all for you, your Majesty. If you remember they just tried to kill me for stopping a fight. I’m not going anywhere but to my room.” 

“Do not even try to get out of this.” He snorted in disgust. “If I am trapped here then so are you. And you better get dressed, we both need to look the part.” 

I shook my head smiling. “I guess I’m out then.” The sarcasm was thick with mock disappointment. “I have nothing to wear for the occasion. Sorry, Al, it’s all yours.” 

I went for the door nearly falling on my face as a coachman pulled it open from the other side. Alistair’s quick reflexes pulled me back inside. “We shall see about that. If I know Fergus, he already thought of that. So, you are coming with me and that is final.” He hissed. “I am not doing this by myself. I am going to need someone to rescue me from all those stuffy nobles. Plus, I will buy you as many neck harnesses as you want and you can wear them anytime you want if you just come with me tonight, please?” 

 

I made a show of pouting. Even his whining was cute. “Ugh! Fine. I’ll try, but trouble seems to find me like ham on rye.” 

“Rye?” He tilted his head. 

“Ugh, never mind.” I scowled. “Let’s get this over with.” 

I stumbled out of the carriage but found my balance before I actually fell on my face. I was happier about it than one might think. Catching myself meant I was getting stronger and moving around a bit easier. The littlest things, huh? The coachman was horrified, of course, but I just played it off like it was nothing. Alistair grabbed my arm and curled it around his as we headed in the keep. We were formally greeted by the Teryn and his son and yes, as I learned later from Fergus himself, the proceedings were mostly to mess with Alistair’s head. No new guests had arrived, no extra nobles had arrived other than those that had already been visiting. He just wanted a reason to celebrate and what was better than a visiting king? 

Joanne was in my room overseeing the drawing of my bath when I arrived and two large trunks were open on the floor. 

“My lady,” Joanne bowed. “I am sure we can find something for you to wear in one of these trunks. I took the liberty of inspecting them before sending them over.” 

The trunks were filled with all sorts of clothes, dresses, slips, petticoats, trousers, coats and shirts, tunics, anything I could imagine, even small clothes. How she found them all I couldn’t be sure but I had my suspicions. Fergus was still too in love with his wife for them to be hers, but Elissa on the others hand. Just how long would he have kept them packed away if I hadn’t arrived?

Regardless of how long they had been in storage, they were in perfect condition and most of them fit. It didn’t take long for Joanne and me to agree on a flowing green dress similar to the one I wore to dinner with Queen Anora and a pair of comfortable flat slippers hidden by its long skirt. Simple, elegant, perfect. 

An impeccably dressed and quite dashing Oren was pacing outside my door waiting to escort me to the dining room. He seemed to want to talk but something was holding him back. 

“Oren,” I paused as we passed by an unusual flowering vine that smelled like of all things, chocolate. I could resist the temptation to finger its leathery green leaves and take a big whiff. “I bet you’ve heard some crazy things about me, haven’t you?” 

He flushed pink and lowered his head. “Father says I should not bother you with questions.” 

“Oh.” I nodded. An empty bench a few feet from our path waited under a sprawling tree. I grabbed his hand and led him to take a seat. Smiling as best I could, I sat next to him. “It’s okay. I can keep a secret and I promise not to bite you. Ask anything you like but just be ready for some far-fetched explanations.” 

I took a deep breath and clasped my hands in my lap, waiting for his worst. Please don’t ask me where I’m from, please don’t ask where I’m from, I repeated in my head. But the question he asked was completely unexpected and shook me to my core. 

“Why did Uncle Aedan and Aunt Elissa leave me? Why did they leave me to die?” 

Any anxiety I had about discussing my origins vanished, leaving a hole in my gut that I wanted to climb into and cover with a rock. I was almost too stunned to respond as my eyes filled with tears. I must have made a whimpering sound because he quickly got to his feet and apologized. I grabbed his hand as he turned to leave. 

“Sit,” I whispered, tugging him back to the bench, cupping his troubled face in my hands. Stray tears threatened to trickle down my cheek and I sniffed them back, blotting my eyes on the sleeve of my dress. “Let me tell you what I know.” 

The version I knew, of course, was wildly different than what actually happened. The basics were the same. Howe attacked that night after Fergus and the Teryn left, killing almost everyone. Orena, Oren’s mother, gave him a potion that slowed his heart enough to simulate death then smeared him with the blood of an assassin she killed that was hiding in their room. The last thing Oren saw as he lost consciousness on the floor was his mother fighting off two of Howe’s men after they burst through the door to their suite. 

She was brave and a hero and she saved her son’s life. It was something any mother would do but left him scarred with feelings of guilt. He confessed, he still had nightmares. 

Ser Jory found him hiding under the bed and managed to secret him away until Fergus was able to reclaim the keep. Their reunion was a bittersweet and Fergus had, understandably, kept a tight leash on him ever since. 

It took a while for us both to regain our composure and show our faces in the dining hall or even look at one another without crying and by the time we reached it, Fergus and Alistair both looked concerned. Alistair visibly sighed when we walked through the door, me on Oren’s arm. 

He tilted his head, eyes narrowing. “I was looking for you. I thought something happened and here you charming yet another innocent young man.” 

Fergus chuckled gleefully, clapping his hands in delight at Alistair’s discomfort. “They two of you alright?” He asked. 

“Just getting to know each other,” I said leaning my head on Oren’s shoulder and patting his hand. Oren guided me to the end of the receiving line and stood between me and his father. “Seems like we’ve known each other forever.” 

Alistair raised his brow but stayed quiet as he politely greeted those Fergus had invited to dinner. There weren’t that many, a visiting noble or two, the head of the Teryn’s army and a traveling merchant already acquainted with the King. He genuinely seemed happy to see her. She seemed nice and she was pretty in an ‘I’ve seen my share of trouble’ way. A scar running down the side of her face to her neck confirmed traveling merchants didn’t have it very easy. 

She got the most one on one time with him in the line, a few smiles, and giggles from them both. No surprise there. He was obviously not the shy templar I remembered. And for as much fawning as everyone did over him, they basically ignored me. I guess no one was too interested in a ‘friend of the family’ and once they got a chance to check me out and see I was nothing special they were on their way. It was only when I was seated next to the King during dinner, did anyone seem interested in me. The hall teemed with arched eyebrows and questioning glances. Mostly I just wanted to flick those nosy busybodies in the forehead and tell them to get over it. 

“No trouble?” He asked passing me a glass of brown liquid. I didn’t need my super sniffer to know I wouldn’t like the taste of it. It smelled like lilacs and rubbing alcohol though and I just couldn’t bring myself to taste it. 

“No,” I rolled my eyes taking the glass from his hand and putting to the side. “Were you expecting some?” 

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. “Never know with you.” 

I made a face at him, regretting it when I heard murmuring from the wife of one of the nobles. “Doesn’t take much, does it. I smiled at him. “Ummm… How much longer do I have to stay here? I don’t think I can make it for very long.” 

“Liar.” He whispered. “You are the one trying to build up your stamina and move around more. One dance, then you can go.” 

“Dance?” I cried throwing a dirty look at Fergus. “No one said anything about a dance! There isn’t even any music.” 

Fergus smiled and winked at me from across the table as his bard conveniently came in the dining hall and grabbed the lute hanging on the wall. “Or you could sing for us.” 

“I told you I hated his dinners.” He laughed. “He always finds some way to make me uncomfortable. And someone always tries to grab my bottom or ask a favor. Now at least he has someone else to pick on.”  
“It never fails.” He added stuffing a fork full of carrots in his mouth. 

“Well, at least there’s a pretty girl here tonight. Maybe you’ll get lucky and she’ll grab your bottom.” 

His cheeks turned red as he nearly choked on his vegetables. “You mean you want to …?” 

“Not me! I meant her.” I pointed to the merchant introduced as Em. She really was kind of pretty with bright blue eyes and her dark hair pulled back into a loose French braid. She winked when she saw us looking at her. Alistair just got redder making me giggle harder. “She’s been looking at you all night. She seems to be interested.” 

He shook his head chuckling. A slight blush remained as he smiled fondly. “Oh, no. I know her from after the blight. Met her once or twice during my travels as a warden. We are not… I mean, she is not… Maker’s sake! I think she is married now. A real dour sort, if I heard correctly.” 

“Aww, sorry Al. I’m sure you’ll find someone soon.” I smiled again feeling a bit better now that I could see he really was just as uncomfortable as me. “Okay. One dance, maybe. No promises though, I’d rather everyone just kept ignoring me.” 

The dinner portion of the evening lasted far longer than I would have liked. The food was okay, a bit bland for me, and the room became stuffy. The roaring fire and all the people with their questionable hygiene crammed inside ensured it. As for the table conversation, Alistair was right. Almost everyone there but Em, propositioned him in one way or another, whether it be flat out asking him for a money or more other subtle offers. I could see how agitated he was becoming despite remaining polite, so I took one for the team. I didn’t give a rat’s ass what they thought of me and it was doubtful I'd see any of these guys soon.

“You requested a song, Teryn Cousland?” I asked standing up, both Alistair and Fergus’s heads snapped to attention as I walked over the hearth and stood next to the bard. “How ‘bout one from my village? You guys probably never heard this one.” 

The bard’s eyes grew wide but he nodded and backed up a few steps. He offered me his lute but I declined with the shake of my head. “I doubt you know this one either but if you want you can try to play along.”

I attempted to still my fidgeting hands while I searched my memory for an appropriate song, one that didn’t need much musical accompaniment. I groaned inwardly. Why did I always put myself in such positions? Who in their right mind would prefer to sing in front of an audience over dancing in the arms of a handsome King? What an idiot.

“Nothing special, folks. Just a little dinner music. Can’t deny a request from our host, now can I?” Everyone just keep eating, no sense in letting it get cold.” 

I could see Alistair’s frustration turn into approval as he smiled. Well, at least that worked out. He has such a great smile. 

Deciding on my selection, I took a deep breath and attempted The Celtic Woman’s version of ‘I See Fire’ by Ed Sheeran. Appropriate, if I do say so myself. It could almost be about the blight. At first, everyone did as I encouraged and continued gorging themselves on seconds or thirds while carrying on various conversations but then room grew quiet and everyone stopped what they were doing. Even the constantly moving servants paused in their tasks and listened to my song as I scrambled to translate the words in my head. 

‘Oh, misty eye of the mountain below  
Keep careful watch of my brothers' souls  
And should the sky be filled with fire and smoke  
Keep watching over Durin's son

If this is to end in fire  
Then we should all burn together  
Watch the flames climb high into the night  
Calling out for the rope, stand by and we will  
Watch the flames burn on and on the mountainside hey

And if we should die tonight  
Then we should all die together  
Raise a glass of wine for the last time  
Calling out for the rope  
Prepare as we will  
Watch the flames burn on and on the mountainside  
Desolation comes upon the sky 

Now I see fire, inside the mountain  
I see fire, burning the trees  
And I see fire, hollowing souls  
And I see fire, blood in the breeze  
And I hope that you'll remember me

Oh, should my people fall  
Then surely, I'll do the same  
Confined in mountain halls  
We got too close to the flame  
Calling out father hold fast and we will  
Watch the flames burn on and on the mountainside  
Desolation comes upon the sky 

Now I see fire, inside the mountain  
I see fire, burning the trees  
And I see fire, hollowing souls  
And I see fire, blood in the breeze  
And I hope that you'll remember me

As I continued with the chorus a somber-looking Em made her way to Alistair and whispered in his ear. His smiled faded momentarily before he looked up at me and it returned, just less brilliant than before. He shook his head with a sigh and he whispered something back to her causing her own smile to falter as well. I couldn’t help but wonder what was going on. Did he just betray my secret?

An uneasy silence filled the room as I held the last note and avoided meeting anyone’s eyes. When I finally did look up, their hesitation made me want to run away. But traitor or not, Alistair didn't let me down this time. He led the room in a round of applause. He stood up enthusiastically, smiling from ear to ear followed by the Couslands and curiously enough, Em. It took mere seconds for the rest of the room to follow his example. Even if they didn’t like it they wouldn’t say so now. Even Fergus’ bard clapped then smacked me on the back triggering a twinge of pain in my neck. Before slipping out the door, he asked me to teach him the song to add to his catalog. 

How I wished that I could follow but I found myself surrounded by a group of inconsequential people asking tons of annoying questions. I replied with what I hoped was a bunch of satisfyingly vague answers.

The things I do for friends.

Eventually, I was able to tear myself away with the excuse of being fatigued and with Drake’s assistance make it back to my room where I stripped off all the finery and fell asleep on a pile of blankets in front of the fire. As I dozed on the floor, Drake pawed at the covers turning around a few times before collapsing against my back with a grunt. God, I missed that. Dogs are always perfect sleeping companions.


	7. The Inquisitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An alternate POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay. I couldn't get this one out but here it is...

Varric quickly packed his bedroll and tied it to his mount as he eyed my tent. Impatiently, he called to the blond elf doing the same across the camp. “Come on Lucky. We need to get the Inquisitor moving. Can’t you wake him up? He listens to you. I know he is not a morning person but this is ridiculous. I told Hawke we would be there by tomorrow and that mage already has abandonment issues, adding to them would not be ideal.”   
   
Lucky, Varric’s nickname for Lavellan and my friend since we fell together from the breach, smirked at him and shook her intricately braided head. “Me, Varric? Be my guest. He took a walk this morning with the Seeker and I certainly am not going to interfere in human mating rituals. Especially since he did not have his ‘coffee’.”   
   
I smiled to myself as I watch them squabble from the trees. My feelings for the dark-haired woman were more obvious than I realized.   
   
“No?” Varric laughed. “What is going on between you and Curly, then? Aww, come now! Don’t look at me like that. You are the one who brought up human mating rituals. You think no one notices the looks you two give each other when you think no one is around. Lavellan, you gotta give me something.”   
   
Narrowing her eyes, she spat, “Not a word, dwarf! If I ever hear anyone say anything, I will know where it came from and you will never make it to that archery contest at The Rest let alone win it. Another word out of you and you may never even make it to Crestwood.”   
   
I may not have been able to read people as well as him but even I could tell he was proud of himself for flustering her and wanted to continue. Thankfully he let it go. On her best day, the Dalish hunter was a bit surly and narrow-minded, but as of late she had begun to tolerate others more readily. Maybe Varric was right and we had Cullen to thank for that. Whatever the cause, it was her business and I respected her privacy. Varric must have picked up on that and decided to show some restraint, in return I decided to make my presence known and let him know I was ready to go.  I, too, was eager to see Hawke again and this mysterious contact. Whoever it was, had been promised to provide us with valuable intel in our fight against Corypheus.   
   
A quiet cough from the beautiful warrior next to me drew my attention away from the bickering couple. “Inquisitor, do not let him know I said this but he is correct. We must leave soon if we intend to reach Crestwood by the end of the day. I fear there may not be another safe place to rest for the night.”   
   
“Aww, Cassandra. You do care.” I winked at her. Wordlessly expressing her irritation, she simply turned and stomped into the clearing, her cheeks turning an endearing shade of pink. Swearing under my breath, I trailed behind her like a puppy dog as she walked away appreciating the sway of her hip. Finally, she had agreed to spend some time with me and I mucked it up.   
   
No wonder even my bodyguard felt the need to offer me pointers.   
   
The self-proclaimed insisted that she returned my interest and merely needed to be properly wooed. He was, after all, an expert in love and romance and if the trail of conquests he left in his wake was any indication, he always left them satisfied. I can’t once remember seeing see anyone expressing dissatisfaction over their encounters.   
   
“Play nice,” I scolded them as I stood beside Varric. Cassandra, still pink from my bumbling efforts, immediately headed for her mount pretending to secure the belongings she had previously tied to her own horse. I could only hope she was playing it cool.   
   
A knowing chuckle escaped from the dwarf as he continued tied down his crossbow. “Tell that to Lucky over there. She seems to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed but I guess that will happen when you are missing a bedwarmer.”   
   
“You would know.” She shot back. “The way you talk about Hawke I wouldn’t be surprised if something was going on there.”   
   
He looked over to me and grinned before turning his attention to the Cassandra. “I must have hit a nerve. Anyway Seeker, how was your walk?” He prodded wiggling his eyebrows. “You look a little flushed? Feeling okay? Did you have a good time? Do anything interesting?”   
   
“Gossip, Varric! Is that all you are interested in?” She snorted, turning her back to us. “I would think that a famous author such as yourself would have better things to do than start rumors.”   
   
He laughed again calling after her when she stormed even further away. “Gossip? Rumors! Seeker, just where do you think I get the ideas for my books?”   
   
“Good Morning,” The elf assigned by Leliana to be my bodyguard whispered sneaking up on me. I yelped embarrassingly. “My apologies, Inquisitor Brine, I only came to find out how things went. Did the Seeker like the poem?”   
   
I shook my head. The image of Cassandra blushing profusely and turning back for the camp was not the reaction I had hoped for when reciting the poem.  “It was a little more suggestive than I realized. I should have known since it was you who suggested it. Always with the innuendo, ain’t that right?”   He only flashed a smile. He hadn’t led me astray yet and had faithfully helped me navigate through my unusual circumstances since being released from Haven’s dungeon, still, I knew it was a risk.   
More than once I had seen him leave a man or woman looking wistfully after him.   
   
“Varric,” The rakish elf laughed. “Did you not say we should be leaving soon to meet your friend? I too would like to see Hawke again. It has been some time since I had the pleasure. Maybe we could become reacquainted with one another.”   
   
“That’s right, I forgot about your time in Kirkwall.” Varric nodded. “Good thing for you Hawke decided against fulfilling that contract on your life. Where would we all be right now without your particular skills?”   
   
“Ah Varric, I assure you there are others with such skills. Such as our lovely Nightingale, if I were not around, I am sure she would have everything well in hand.” He winked. “While she and I share many talents, she has acquired many more since our time together. Even I would be a fool to doubt her.”   
   
“Oh, I do not doubt her.” Varric chuckled. “I never will.”   
   
   
Something fast streaked by grazing my ear. 

 

I was pushed me to the ground just in time to miss a volley of arrows aimed at my head. “Stay down!” My bodyguard ordered pushing me into the dirt. Pulling out his daggers and muttering something sure to be a curse, he jumped up and ran toward for the hidden archer. Moments later a body fell with a splat from an unseen perch in a nearby tree. With catlike precision, he landed on top of the doomed bandit and slipped a dagger into his neck then ran in the opposite direction. And just like that my bickering brood metamorphosized into a well-oiled machine, deflecting the blows of the ill-fated brigands unlucky enough to happen upon us and foolish enough to think they could win.   
   
Dorian our mage who had been unusually quiet so far, immediately surrounded four of them with a wall of fire while Varric and Lavellan shot them with arrows. Those that were able to find their way through the flames were cut down by a strike of Cassandra’s sword or skewered from behind at the hands of my protector. Within minutes, half a dozen bandits fell in defeat as I lay cowering on the ground.  I barely realized what happened by the time they had it all under control.  Just another reminder of how dangerous this world could be.      
   
“Inquisitor Brine,” Cassandra rushed over crouching beside me and pressing her hand against my bloody ear. “Are you been injured? Are you alright?”   
   
I ignored the mispronunciation of my name, again, and chose to concentrate on the fact that I had the lovely lady’s attention. She helped me off the ground where I had been pushed and I brushed off my clothes attempting to hide my embarrassment.   
   
“Just my pride,”  I mumbled.   
   
“What was that, Inquisitor?” She asked cocking her head.   
   
“He said he was fine, Seeker,” My bodyguard interrupted on my behalf. “But if you want to give him a thorough exam, I am sure he would not mind.”   
   
She growled at him then looked at me. It may have been the wrong response but I couldn’t help but smile and nod. She growled even louder and stomped away.   
   
“She wants you.” He whispered in my ear.   

 

   
Our trip to Crestwood to meet Hawke was uneventful. No Tevinter mages to fight, no Red Templars to put down and no rifts to close, not even a bandit attack to thwart. I might have even called it normal except for Fellowship of the Ring that was leading me around from town to town and the magical glowing green mark on my hand.  Certainly, I never could have imagined I would be on such a road trip. It was all so surreal.   
   
I had to keep reminding myself that I could have stepped out of the rift anywhere and been killed instantly. Thedas was a dangerous place and Lavellan and I was lucky to land where we did. Just as I began to lose myself in the dangers of this land, Cassandra moved her horse alongside mine to keep me company. From the corner of my eye, I saw our resident Casanova smirk and give me a thumbs-up sign pulling back his mount to give us plenty of space.   
   
Subtle.  
   
 “INQUISITOR BRINE! WELCOME… TO… CRESTWOOD.” Lace enunciated loudly and slowly as I dismounted from my horse. “HOW… WAS… YOUR… TRIP?”   
   
She was genuinely trying to help so I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Stretching my arms over my head and fighting the impulse to yell back, I responded. “Good but bandit attack.”   
   
“Oh. Well, there are plenty of those around here …” Blah, blah, blah. The head scout handed me a towel to dry off with as I pretended to listen to her report about the area. I was sidetracked when my gaze was pulled to a familiar sickening glow emanating from under the lake.   
   
Under the lake!  
   
I sighed wearily. Of course, there was a rift under the lake. There was already one a thousand feet in the air, why not one under a lake too! Why didn’t one just open in space or on the ground beneath our feet! Would there ever be a place I went to that didn’t have one of those damnable demon spewing tears around?   
Probably not.  
   
“INQUISITOR!” Lace shouted for me to pay attention to her. “DID YOU UNDERSTAND ME? Did he understand me?” It must be a universal thing to yell at someone when you weren’t sure if someone understood you.   
   
She looked searchingly at the rest of the party for help but most had wandered away to unpack their things and get settled. My ever-present protector placed a hand on my shoulder and nodded his head. “Did you hear her, my friend? You understood about the bandits and demons, the undead?”   
   
His eyes locked on mine and we nodded our heads together. “Yes. Bandits, demons, undead.”   
   
“See, my Beautiful, Lace.” Purred the elf. “He has heard you. He has understood you and we thank you for your report. Now we shall go find the Seeker and he will decide on a course of action.”   
   
He led me from the curious scout toward what was to be our tent.  It was already pitched and waiting for us, a welcome perk of being the Inquisitor. It was slightly bigger than the others with plenty of room for the two of us. The flap was tied open showing someone had neatly placed my pack and bedroll inside. A fallen tree was placed just outside the opening as a bench for someone to sit on.   
   
I looked at the sleeping bag longingly knowing it would be a while before I could crash. As usual, my bunkmate would fill me in on the area and share anything of significance, he felt I might have misunderstood, needed to know, or anything my advisors may have missed. Being that he was the only one I could talk to; his information was most helpful if not loaded with double entendre and he was always patient enough to answer even the most basic questions.   
   
As a result, when Cassandra later approached me with her concerns about the area, I was able to discuss them with a modicum of familiarity. Trying to tackle any one of Crestwood’s problems in the dark was dubious at best, so we decided to work at first light.  We would split into two groups each taking a scout with us. I would take Varric and Dorian to check out the village she would lead the others to secure the fort and when we completed our duties, we would meet up to investigate the rift.   
   
Sadly, that was about the sum of our conversation, short and sweet. We called it a night and truthfully, I was relieved. After riding all day, my ass was still numb and I was dead on my feet. I just wanted to go to bed. They had to entice me with a bit of Dorian’s Tevinter Red to join them at the fire and sit through the evening meal.  Exhausted as I was, it was all worth if everyone could enjoy a few hours of peace.     
   
Lavellan went off alone, against my better judgment, to hunt for dinner after assuring me she would be fine. She was capable enough, that I knew and headstrong. She only deferred to me out of some sense of obligation as I was the one who pulled her from the fade.  It was nice to see her engaging with the others for a change instead of hiding in her tent and despite the lack of professional medical treatment the injuries she sustained while we were in Fade had healed nicely.   
   
She managed to hunt down a few nugs, which were roasted over the fire for dinner. It was a meager fare, supplemented by the hardtack that Lace had pulled it from her food stores and Dorian’s wine. Not for the first time I was amazed at just how little our soldiers survived on and how few complaints I heard, despite their growling stomachs. It only proved what I had seen in the humble villages like the Cross Roads and Redcliff. Those with the least resources were usually the most willing to share.   
    
“I just came from speaking to Lace. She tells me there is a military caravan headed our way, about a day out.” Varric said dropping down on the log beside me and handing me a warm bowl with chunks of meat in it. “She is still waiting on more information from her scouts but I do not think it is Hawke. Hawke would never be travel with such a high-profile target. That one likes to stay out of the spotlight.”   
   
Cassandra sorted. “Our main concern is closing the rift, Varric, not locating Hawke. The Inquisitor knows this and that is what we will concentrate on first.”   
   
“We find Hawke, Seeker and we have another body to help us clear the town. Hawke is quite effective in a fight.”   
   
“Of that, I am well aware.” She growled. “Do you not remember I was looking for Hawke to lead the Inquisition. A mage with Hawke’s reputation could have been a great asset with Fiona and her followers.”   
   
“I seem to recall the Inquisitor did a fine job of recruiting the mages on his own.” My bodyguard pointed out as he sat on the ground next to me, “It seems we did not need Hawke after all. Or am I mistaken, Seeker? Do you have any complaints with his performance or lack thereof?”   
   
Cassandra almost choked on her food but to my delight, I noticed a bit of pink tinge her ears again. Say what you will about that elf but he knew how to read a woman. “Forgive me, Inquisitor. I only meant that …”   
   
“S’okay.” I smiled, taking a chance and placing my hand on her forearm. It might have had more meaning if she hadn’t been wearing her armor but I did it anyway. She ignored it or didn’t seem to notice, only got up in a huff over some remark Varric made about her blushing and left.   
   
Thanks, pal.   
   
Varric smirked at me before heading off to the opposite end of the camp. “Gentlemen, have a good night.  It is hard to tell under all the clouds but the sun is setting and we are in for a busy day tomorrow so I think I will get some sleep.”   
   
Staring at the fire I nodded and once again tried to reconcile the chain of events of the last few months. I wondered not for the first time, just who the hell did I piss off to end up in Thedas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good things coming... stay tuned

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working at this so long my eyes are crossed. Please let me know what you think and what I missed. I am my own editor and it shows. And thanks for reading.


End file.
